diff --git a/code/_global_vars/sensitive.dm b/code/_global_vars/sensitive.dm
index d4eda095ade..701d5942ce9 100644
--- a/code/_global_vars/sensitive.dm
+++ b/code/_global_vars/sensitive.dm
@@ -1,11 +1,11 @@
 // MySQL configuration
-GLOBAL_REAL_VAR(sqladdress)   = "localhost"
-GLOBAL_REAL_VAR(sqlport)      = "3306"
-GLOBAL_REAL_VAR(sqldb)        = "tgstation"
-GLOBAL_REAL_VAR(sqllogin)     = "root"
+GLOBAL_REAL_VAR(sqladdress)   = ""
+GLOBAL_REAL_VAR(sqlport)      = ""
+GLOBAL_REAL_VAR(sqldb)        = ""
+GLOBAL_REAL_VAR(sqllogin)     = ""
 GLOBAL_REAL_VAR(sqlpass)      = ""
 // Feedback gathering sql connection
-GLOBAL_REAL_VAR(sqlfdbkdb)    = "test"
-GLOBAL_REAL_VAR(sqlfdbklogin) = "root"
+GLOBAL_REAL_VAR(sqlfdbkdb)    = ""
+GLOBAL_REAL_VAR(sqlfdbklogin) = ""
 GLOBAL_REAL_VAR(sqlfdbkpass)  = ""
-GLOBAL_REAL_VAR(sqllogging)   = 0 // Should we log deaths, population stats, etc.?
\ No newline at end of file
+GLOBAL_REAL_VAR(sqllogging)   = 0 // Should we log deaths, population stats, etc.?
diff --git a/code/controllers/configuration.dm b/code/controllers/configuration.dm
index f2addca5427..3fcea0996a8 100644
--- a/code/controllers/configuration.dm
+++ b/code/controllers/configuration.dm
@@ -1065,47 +1065,6 @@ var/global/list/gamemode_cache = list()
 			else
 				log_misc("Unknown setting in configuration: '[name]'")
 
-/datum/configuration/proc/loadforumsql(filename)  // -- TLE
-	var/list/Lines = file2list(filename)
-	for(var/t in Lines)
-		if(!t)	continue
-
-		t = trim(t)
-		if (length(t) == 0)
-			continue
-		else if (copytext(t, 1, 2) == "#")
-			continue
-
-		var/pos = findtext(t, " ")
-		var/name = null
-		var/value = null
-
-		if (pos)
-			name = lowertext(copytext(t, 1, pos))
-			value = copytext(t, pos + 1)
-		else
-			name = lowertext(t)
-
-		if (!name)
-			continue
-
-		switch (name)
-			if ("address")
-				forumsqladdress = value
-			if ("port")
-				forumsqlport = value
-			if ("database")
-				forumsqldb = value
-			if ("login")
-				forumsqllogin = value
-			if ("password")
-				forumsqlpass = value
-			if ("activatedgroup")
-				forum_activated_group = value
-			if ("authenticatedgroup")
-				forum_authenticated_group = value
-			else
-				log_misc("Unknown setting in configuration: '[name]'")
 
 /datum/configuration/proc/pick_mode(mode_name)
 	// I wish I didn't have to instance the game modes in order to look up
diff --git a/code/controllers/subsystems/misc_slow.dm b/code/controllers/subsystems/misc_slow.dm
new file mode 100644
index 00000000000..419d356de9a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/code/controllers/subsystems/misc_slow.dm
@@ -0,0 +1,96 @@
+SUBSYSTEM_DEF(misc_slow)
+	name = "Misc Slow"
+	flags = SS_NO_INIT
+	runlevels = RUNLEVEL_LOBBY | RUNLEVEL_GAME | RUNLEVEL_POSTGAME
+	wait = 5 MINUTES
+
+	/// The number of times dbcon can fail in a row before being considered dead
+	var/static/const/DB_RECONNECTS_ALLOWED = 3
+
+	/// a list of (reconnects succeeded, reconnects failed) for dbcon
+	var/static/db_status = list(0, 0)
+
+	/// A convenience cache of db_status for stat_entry
+	var/static/db_info = "-"
+
+	/// The number of times dbcon_old can fail in a row before being considered dead
+	var/static/const/DB_OLD_RECONNECTS_ALLOWED = 3
+
+	/// a list of (reconnects succeeded, reconnects failed) for dbcon_old
+	var/static/db_old_status = list(0, 0)
+
+	/// A convenience cache of db_old_status for stat_entry
+	var/static/db_old_info = "-"
+
+
+/datum/controller/subsystem/misc_slow/VV_static()
+	return ..() + list(
+		"DB_RECONNECTS_ALLOWED",
+		"DB_OLD_RECONNECTS_ALLOWED"
+	)
+
+
+/datum/controller/subsystem/misc_slow/Recover()
+	RecoverDoReconnects()
+
+
+/datum/controller/subsystem/misc_slow/stat_entry(msg)
+	..(list(
+		msg, "sql: [config.sql_enabled ? "Y" : "N"]  |  DB: [db_info]  |  DB Old: [db_old_info]"
+	).Join(null))
+
+
+/datum/controller/subsystem/misc_slow/fire(resumed, no_mc_tick)
+	DoReconnects()
+
+
+/// Clear the state of members related to db connection maintenance
+/datum/controller/subsystem/misc_slow/proc/RecoverDoReconnects()
+	db_status = list(0, 0)
+	db_info = "-"
+	db_old_status = list(0, 0)
+	db_old_info = "-"
+
+
+/// Run connection maintenance for dbcon and dbcon_old, if sql is enabled correct(ish).
+/datum/controller/subsystem/misc_slow/proc/DoReconnects()
+	if (!config.sql_enabled)
+		return
+	if (!sqladdress || !sqlport || !sqllogin || !sqldb || !sqlfdbklogin || !sqlfdbkdb)
+		log_debug("SS [name]: SQL credentials misconfigured.")
+		return
+	var/db_dsn = "dbi:mysql:[sqlfdbkdb]:[sqladdress]:[sqlport]"
+	ReconnectDB("DB", dbcon, db_dsn, sqlfdbklogin, sqlfdbkpass, db_status, DB_RECONNECTS_ALLOWED)
+	db_info = "DEAD"
+	if (db_status[2] < DB_RECONNECTS_ALLOWED)
+		db_info = "R[db_status[1]],F[db_status[2]]"
+	var/db_old_dsn = "dbi:mysql:[sqldb]:[sqladdress]:[sqlport]"
+	ReconnectDB("Old DB", dbcon_old, db_old_dsn, sqllogin, sqlpass, db_old_status, DB_OLD_RECONNECTS_ALLOWED)
+	db_old_info = "DEAD"
+	if (db_old_status[2] < DB_OLD_RECONNECTS_ALLOWED)
+		db_old_info = "R[db_old_status[1]],F[db_old_status[2]]"
+
+
+/// An ugly proc that attempts to reopen the passed database's connection if it has timed out or been lost.
+/datum/controller/subsystem/misc_slow/proc/ReconnectDB(log_name, DBConnection/db, dsn, user, pass, list/status, limit)
+	if (status[2] >= limit) // We've failed too many times.
+		return
+	if (!isnull(db._db_con))
+		if (_dm_db_is_connected(db._db_con))
+			var/query = _dm_db_new_query() // Do a little dance to keep the connection interested.
+			if (_dm_db_execute(query, "SELECT 1;", db._db_con, null, null))
+				return
+		log_debug("SS [name]: [log_name] reconnecting.")
+		_dm_db_close(dbcon._db_con)
+		dbcon._db_con = null
+	var/connection = _dm_db_new_con()
+	var/success = _dm_db_connect(connection, dsn, user, pass, null, null)
+	if (success)
+		log_debug("SS [name]: [log_name] reconnected ([++status[1]]\th time).")
+		db._db_con = connection
+		status[2] = 0
+		return
+	log_debug("SS [name]: [log_name] reconnect failed ([++status[2]]\th time).")
+	if (status[1] < limit)
+		return
+	log_debug("SS [name]: [log_name] reconnect failed too many times. No more attempts will be made.")
diff --git a/code/game/world.dm b/code/game/world.dm
index 7e825f1bb24..dd7e5ba9656 100644
--- a/code/game/world.dm
+++ b/code/game/world.dm
@@ -435,7 +435,6 @@ var/global/world_topic_spam_protect_time = world.timeofday
 	config.load("config/config.txt")
 	config.load("config/game_options.txt","game_options")
 	config.loadsql("config/dbconfig.txt")
-	config.loadforumsql("config/forumdbconfig.txt")
 
 /hook/startup/proc/loadMods()
 	world.load_mods()
@@ -580,6 +579,8 @@ var/global/failed_old_db_connections = 0
 
 //This proc ensures that the connection to the feedback database (global variable dbcon) is established
 /proc/establish_db_connection()
+	if (!config.sql_enabled)
+		return 0
 	if(failed_db_connections > FAILED_DB_CONNECTION_CUTOFF)
 		return 0
 
@@ -625,6 +626,8 @@ var/global/failed_old_db_connections = 0
 
 //This proc ensures that the connection to the feedback database (global variable dbcon) is established
 /proc/establish_old_db_connection()
+	if (!config.sql_enabled)
+		return 0
 	if(failed_old_db_connections > FAILED_DB_CONNECTION_CUTOFF)
 		return 0
 
diff --git a/code/global.dm b/code/global.dm
index 80d3a617af3..e96f6abe7d6 100644
--- a/code/global.dm
+++ b/code/global.dm
@@ -108,15 +108,6 @@ var/global/datum/metric/metric = new() // Metric datum, used to keep track of th
 
 var/global/list/awaydestinations = list() // Away missions. A list of landmarks that the warpgate can take you to.
 
-// Forum MySQL configuration. (for use with forum account/key authentication)
-// These are all default values that will load should the forumdbconfig.txt file fail to read for whatever reason.
-var/global/forumsqladdress = "localhost"
-var/global/forumsqlport    = "3306"
-var/global/forumsqldb      = "tgstation"
-var/global/forumsqllogin   = "root"
-var/global/forumsqlpass    = ""
-var/global/forum_activated_group     = "2"
-var/global/forum_authenticated_group = "10"
 
 // For FTP requests. (i.e. downloading runtime logs.)
 // However it'd be ok to use for accessing attack logs and such too, which are even laggier.
diff --git a/code/modules/admin/view_variables/view_variables_global.dm b/code/modules/admin/view_variables/view_variables_global.dm
index 3d7302caf27..1797ddba339 100644
--- a/code/modules/admin/view_variables/view_variables_global.dm
+++ b/code/modules/admin/view_variables/view_variables_global.dm
@@ -45,11 +45,6 @@ GLOBAL_DATUM(debug_real_globals, /debug_real_globals) // :3c
 
 /debug_real_globals/VV_hidden()
 	return list(
-		"forumsqladdress",
-		"forumsqldb",
-		"forumsqllogin",
-		"forumsqlpass",
-		"forumsqlport",
 		"sqladdress",
 		"sqldb",
 		"sqllogin",
diff --git a/config/example/forumdbconfig.txt b/config/example/forumdbconfig.txt
deleted file mode 100644
index 61a2a2d6ecd..00000000000
--- a/config/example/forumdbconfig.txt
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,19 +0,0 @@
-# This configuration file is for the forum database, if you need to set up
-# population, death, etc. tracking see 'dbconfig.txt'
-# The login credentials for this will likely differ from those in dbconfig.txt!
-
-# Server the MySQL database can be found at
-# Examples: localhost, 200.135.5.43, www.mysqldb.com, etc.
-ADDRESS localhost
-
-# MySQL server port (default is 3306)
-PORT 3306
-
-# Database the forum data may be found in
-DATABASE tgstation13
-
-# Username/Login used to access the database
-LOGIN mylogin
-
-# Password used to access the database
-PASSWORD mypassword
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/polaris.dme b/polaris.dme
index 683e5a97586..3e815674188 100644
--- a/polaris.dme
+++ b/polaris.dme
@@ -229,6 +229,7 @@
 #include "code\controllers\subsystems\lighting.dm"
 #include "code\controllers\subsystems\machines.dm"
 #include "code\controllers\subsystems\mapping.dm"
+#include "code\controllers\subsystems\misc_slow.dm"
 #include "code\controllers\subsystems\mobs.dm"
 #include "code\controllers\subsystems\nanoui.dm"
 #include "code\controllers\subsystems\nightshift.dm"