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I couldn't have asked for more bizarre function syntax if I tried (but that's not bad!). If your golf is goaling, no, sorry, if your goal is golfing, why not single-byte function syntax like SNUSP has, or something?
It would not be very hard to implement, in any language, especially if you have a disregard for performance (the interpreter could just paste in the function's code and run it inline).
Finally, it is not uncommon for esolangs to have functions, as esolangs have many causes and kinds.
Hmm, that's true, that syntax would be awful for golfing... And the reason it's so bizarre is because I'm a noob at designing languages :p I'll look into Modular SNUSP and update the proto.md.
Should Forked have functions? I think it would be cool because not many two-dimensional languages have them. However...
Here's the prototype for function syntax.
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