index.js

var shitisms = [
  "Shit wind",
  "Shit apple",
  "The old shitliner's coming in to port and I'll be there to tie her up.",
  " How dare you involve my daughter in your hemisphere of shit?",
  "You know what a shit rope is? It's a rope, covered with shit...",
  "The ol' shit clock's tickin'",
  "We're in the eye of a shiticane here!",
  "I'm watching you like a shit hawk",
  "The shit pool is getting full. We better strain it before it overflows and causes a shit slide that could cover this entire community.",
  "It looks like you cooked your shit goose this time",
  "Never cry shitwolf",
  "Those two shit rats just pissed on forty dollars worth of eclairs at the bake sale.",
  "He grew up as a little shit spark from the old shit flint hen he turned into a shit bonfire and then, driven by the winds of his monumental ignorance, he turned into a raging shit firestorm.",
  "The winds of shit are in the air.",
  "Captain Shitacular",
  "Goddamn shit apple driving a shitmobile",
  "I used to drink, but I got the shit monkey off my back.",
  "You just opened Pandora's shit box",
  "Shit moths",
  "They started out as little tiny shit larvae, and then they turned into shitapillars, a pandemic of shitapillars.",
  "Birds of a shit feather flock together.",
  "Sometimes it's better to let a shit tree grow than to shake the shit fruit out of it.",
  "Get your shit basket out, we're about to start harvesting.",
  "Shit winds are a-comin'.",
  "What's at work here is shit tectonics.",
  "Shitquake",
  "I sense a shit derailment coming.",
  "Ahoy, shitliner!",
  "Like shit and strawberry shortcake",
  "Shit Blizzard"
]

module.exports = function() {
  return shitisms[Math.floor(Math.random() * shitisms.length)]
}