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Email rewrites #3701

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merged 3 commits into from
Jun 24, 2023
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Email rewrites #3701

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9c93348
Added two emails and rewrote a few of them.
Sargeantmuffinman Jun 22, 2023
bdfa62e
Added more text for Beat Up
Sargeantmuffinman Jun 23, 2023
db034e5
Merge remote-tracking branch 'upstream/master' into Email-Rewrites
Sargeantmuffinman Jun 23, 2023
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128 changes: 64 additions & 64 deletions code/datums/fluff_emails.dm
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Original file line number Diff line number Diff line change
Expand Up @@ -93,9 +93,9 @@
/datum/fluff_email/almayer/themajor
title = "The Major?"
entry_text = {"<html>
I keep forgetting what the new Major's name is. I got quizzed by one of the jackass staff officers last week about the captain's name,
and I absolutely spilled my marbles. PCF Mable was watching too, and she probably thinks I've got rocks in my head. I know it's been weeks
since the new captain took over, but for some reason the name keeps escaping me when it matters. Either the cryo-sleepers are juicing my
I keep forgetting what the new Major's name is. I got quizzed by one of the jackass staff officers last week about the Major's name,
and I absolutely spilled my marbles. PFC Mable was watching too, and she probably thinks I've got rocks in my head. I know it's been weeks
since the new Major took over, but for some reason the name keeps escaping me when it matters. Either the cryo-sleepers are juicing my
memory capacity or the CO keeps changing their name and not telling anybody. Maybe next jump I'll scrawl it on a sticky note and plaster it
to the inside of my sleeper pod. I can't be the only one having this problem.
</html>
Expand All @@ -105,90 +105,90 @@
/datum/fluff_email/almayer/tunes
title = "RE: Tunes"
entry_text = {"<html>
Cryosleep is killing me, man. Inside and outside. I mean really, they expect us to sit in that tube for god only knows how long, and when we wake up? It's all 'grab a crappy protein bar and grab your gear, you're going to war, Marine!' Bullshit.
Cryosleep is killing me, man. Inside and outside. I mean really, they expect us to sit in that tube for god only knows how long, and when we wake up?
It's all 'grab a crappy protein bar and grab your gear, you're going to war, Marine!' Bullshit.
<br>
<br>
Anywho, I've been thinking how to make the whole thing more bearable. Tried to take a plush from the bunks with me inside. That dickwad MP took it away from me though, said it was against Operating Procedure. Like I care. Can't do anything fun around here, right?
My new idea, though, is a Walkman. I'm hoping that I might at least have a sounder sleep with good tunes to go along with it. Now, I know it might sound dumb, but I'm figuratively grasping at straws here, man. Bear with me.
I don't usually use these things, and frankly that vendor near Medbay has waaay too many cassettes to choose from. Not that I know most songs on them anywho.
<br>
<br>
I saw you with a Walkman from time to time, so... any chances you could recommend a tape to me? Or two, I'm not gonna be picky. Just anything to start out with, I just want some nice sounds. Please, I'm gonna go mad if I don't do something about my cryophobia or whatever. This might just help with that.
I saw you with a Walkman from time to time, so... any chances you could recommend a tape to me? Or two, I'm not gonna be picky.
Just anything to start out with, I just want some nice sounds. Please, I'm gonna go mad if I don't do something about my cryophobia or whatever.
This might just help with that.
</html>
"}


/datum/fluff_email/almayer/lasergun
title = "RE: Lasergun"
/datum/fluff_email/almayer/lasergun1
title = "Prototype Weapon"
entry_text = {"<html>
Hey <strong>REDACTED</strong>. Thanks for letting me test out the laser gun. That thing is a factual blast to use. It literally set the targets down range on fire! Those cooling coils work wonders. Used it a good few times and the barrel didn't explode!
This thing is an absolute blast to use.
It disintegrated some of the targets down range but you're going to need to work on those cooling coils.
I used it a few times and I'm seeing the front barrel glow red.
<br>
<br>
Hell, it's even pretty accurate too. I know there's like, a couple of prototypes issued to some USCM detachments but we got to have this shit in production one day. It's just good. Now, I don't think it's gonna replace the old Mark two's but it would be a nice addition for some of our grunts that prefer the high tech approach. You know the ones, all nerdy and gadget loving geeks in the corps. Hell I can already hear them glossing over this thing in their sleep.
Surprisingly accurate too despite being a prototype.
I know there's like, a couple of prototypes issued to some USCM detachments, but we got to have this shit in production one day.
<br>
<br>
Anyway, I've already attached the weapon report you wanted on this thing back to the email. Hopefully you guys in R&D will get some useful info out of it.
Even as a prototype, it's leagues better than some of the junk we're issued.
Now, I don't think it's going to replace the old Mark Twos, but it would be a nice addition for some of our grunts that prefer the high-tech approach.
<br>
Alright see you when I see you
<strong>REDACTED</strong>
<br>
<br>
<strong>RE:RE: The Plasma Gun (It's called the XM99 Phased Plasma Pulse Rifle)</strong>
Hey <strong>REDACTED</strong>, <strong>REDACTED</strong> here. Thanks for the report but I'm going to need you to send the Phased Plasma Pulse Rifle back to me. Apparently we're not allowed to ship them out for testing... I guess I must've missed that memo. The memo came three days after I shipped it out to you. Sorry for the inconvenience. You know where to send it back to and how to. I did tell you how right? There was a small pamphlet in the casing if you forgot.
<br>
<br>
Don't think this is going to be issued en masse for a while, it's still going under trials and when I got the weapon report you sent me, they sent in a new updated design for the gun which invalidated most of the things in the report, shame. Looks more promising than the last one though.
<br>
<br>
Okay, I'll hopefully be seeing the XM99 Phased Plasma Pulse Rifle in the lab soon.
<br>
<br>
<strong>REDACTED RE:RE:RE: The Plasma Gun (It's called the XM99 Phased Plasma Pulse Rifle)</strong>
<br>
Holy shit, what the fuck did you do to the damned thing? When I opened the case, I could see fractures and scratches everywhere! Did you give this to the entire platoon to try out? And from the data I'm reading, you fired over 178 shots with this. I only gave you two batteries for the thing.
<br>
<br>
How the hell did you recharge it?! The prototype can't take any other forms of power other than those two batteries. And even then, you can't recharge those specially made batteries either without the equipment back in the lab here. And the inside of the barrel is all messed up man. The cooling coils expired and there're bits of the barrel loose inside of it. How the hell did you not notice bits of the inside of the barrel spewing out from the muzzle man?!
<br>
<br>
Right. They've threatened to drop me from the project if something like this happens again. In the rare case that I send another prototype out, it had better come back in one piece. And I mean in pristine condition, you got that?
<br>
<br>Regards,
<br><strong>REDACTED</strong>
You know the ones, all nerdy and gadget loving geeks in the corps. Hell, I can already hear them glossing over this thing in their sleep.
My report has been sent back to you and I'm really excited to see how this turns out.
</html>
"}


/datum/fluff_email/almayer/lasergun2
title = "New Prototype Design"
entry_text = {"<html>
Thanks for sending the report in, we've been mulling over the data you sent over.
We've updated the design for the prototype which solves most of the problems everyone has encountered.
This one looks more promising than the last one.
And as much as everyone wants this done and shippped, I don't think this is going to be issued en masse for a good while.
</html>
"}


/datum/fluff_email/almayer/beatup
title = "RE: Beat Up"
title = "Beat Up"
entry_text = {"<html>
Yo.
<br>
<br>
Man, last mission was an absolute shit show. The USS Heyst got their shit kicked in with a missile and we got our cargo hold set on fire by that damn suicide craft. They even blew up most of our good ammo too! Now we're left with the soft point backup munitions. Shit, most of 1st platoon is pretty much out of action. Lotta folks are in sickbay and the rest of us are heading off to cryosleep, well what's left of us.
<br>
<br>
When the comms got cut and we were cut off from command; Squad Foxtrot was immediately ambushed on the logistics route to get supplies in and out of the combat zone. I suspect they were taping into your comms to find the literal perfect moment to fuck with our logistics. Thankfully those trucks of ours had their engines tricked out by the techies back on LV-176 in the civilian garage. Those guys hosted rally races around their colony and Sergeant <strong>DATA EXPUNGED</strong> won a few races for us. Instead of taking their trophy, he pulled a few favors to get our trucks pimped out with better engines. We owe our lives to Sarge for winning one for the corps.
<br>
<br>
Hell, at least we're all going back to Chinook Station to get resupplied. Hopefully the wounded wake up to the docs on station rather than our poor and cramped excuse for a medical bay. The number of times the medbay has been packed with wounded where even the damn front lobby had bodies lining up on the sides of the walls waiting for treatment; it still amazes. Worse still was the stench from all the blood and guts, it made it hell for the maint. techs to clean up afterwards.
<br>
I'm still surprised those doctors we had on hand took care of most of them so quickly, even if most of them are still injured heading to the fridge.
<br>
<br>
I read the After-Action Report which the Heyst's XO did, and they're leaving out a few details. When it came to that city, they left out how we had to <strong>DATA EXPUNGED</strong>. The entire building collapsed with them in it too. Damn shame we couldn't save them.
<br>
<br>
The only damn silver lining i see in this shit is that the AI is going to cycle cryo again and we ain't waking to deal with whatever bullshit is happening next time. 2nd Platoon is dealing with that, cause 1st platoon is undermanned as is with our casualties. I heard they have a few screws loose, not that ours are entirely in either! But I don't care, it's their problem now y'know?
<br>
<br>
Worst case scenario, we don't wake up at all.
<br>
Right, see you back on station friend.
<br>
<br>
Regards,
<br>
<strong>REDACTED</strong>
Man last mission was an absolute shit show.
<br>
The USS Heyst got their shit kicked in with a missile and we got our cargo hold set on fire. And most of our good ammo is gone too!
Now we're left with the FMJs and the older AP munitions. What's worse is that most of 1st platoon is pretty much out of action.
Lotta folks are in the sickbay and the rest of us are heading off to cryosleep, well what's left of us. There's not many of the old guard left I'm afraid.
Until we get reinforced with more bodies, command has given the go ahead to merge 2nd platoon into 1st for the time being.
</html>
"}


/datum/fluff_email/almayer/rallyrace
title = "Rally Racing"
entry_text = {"<html>
Hey, remember last shore leave on LV-179? Man, that was one crazy night. The folks at the colony had setup a rally race with their tractors all stripped of non-essentials.
LCPL Millard got pretty friendly with the locals and got himself into the competition.
We all put in a little wager to see if he'd even get close to first place or even survive to the finish line.
Now most of the boys bet a fair amount against him since he was pretty new to our outfit, yet I've been out on detail with the guy.
<br>
<br>
Millard grew up on one of those shake and bake colonies and used to drive the big daisies around.
He knew the ins and outs of what made them tick. The few of us who had faith in him reaped everyone else's
paycheck for the week with Millard finishing first place by a near country mile.
</html>
"}

/datum/fluff_email/almayer/missing
title = "Missing Personnel"
entry_text = {"<html>
Has anyone seen Mendoza around? He owes me half of his paycheck from last month's poker game.
Everyone's payday was a week ago and we're all set to head back to Chinook station.
Could have sworn I saw him near the cargo elevator yesterday.
I'll catch him back at base once we've docked because I need that money to pay off my tab at the bar.
</html>
"}

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