jerkcity.txt

$LOCAL[0][0] = "BONERS" PERL IS WEIRD
WHAT WITH THE BONERS CAN'T GET ENOUGH (SERIOUSLY)
MARIJUANA SAYS HI
VOTE DONGS
I'M SOME KIND OF GAY RODENT
I'M SOME KIND OF GAY EMOTICON :-0 --8
I MISS THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHERE I COULD CHOKE DOWN A 12 OZ DONG AT THE CORNER POKERY BUT I DON'T MISS THE PART WHERE YOU WACK MY NUTS WITH A STICK FOR FORTY MINUTE STRETCHES
NURK NURK NURK I WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD LAUGH LOUDLY AROUND ME AND TALK ABOUT POSTSCRIPT!!!!!!!!!!!
GURF GURF YOU SAID IT FOLKS WE'RE FUCKING DIPSHIT DICKLICKERS!!!!!!!!!! BAB-5 PARTY
YOU ARE THE KING OF MY PANTS! I'M THE CAPTAIN OF YOUR BALLS TOGETHER WE MAKE A FINE TEAM!
I LIKE DICK
WE HAVE A WITNESS THAT CAN PLACE YOUR DONG IN THE SAME NEIGHBORHOOD AS MY FACE LAST JULY 4TH
SAVING PRIVATE DICKLICKER WARNING CONTAINS GRAPHIC SCENES OF DICKLICKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MY MOM WAS ALL "YOU'RE NOT TAKING THE CAR" AND I WAS LIKE FUCK YOU HITLER
HOLY CHRIST JUST DONGS EVERYWHERE AND SO SUDDENLY -- POKING AND WHAPPING ME -- IT'S LIKE I'M RUNNING BACKWARDS NAKED THROUGH A CORNFIELD
I JERK TWO DICKS BEFORE I JERK TWO DICKS IT MAKES ME FEEL ALL RIGHT HONK HONK HONK
IT'S LIKE I'VE GOT THE GAY THAT JUST WON'T STOP
WE'RE ON THE MOON HOLY CRAP -- ZERO G MEANS I CAN FINALLY REALIZE MY COCK SUCKING DREAMS
TIME TO LISTEN TO THE BANANARAMA SONG AGAIN DOODLE OOT DOOT / DOOT DOOT DOOT / DOODLE OOT DOOT / DIP DURP DOOP IT REALLY IS A CRUEL SUMMER
HE'S ALL "WANNA POUNDA DOPE" AND I SAY YES SIR AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW HE'S REALLY POUNDING IT INTO MY FACE!!!!!! THEN I REALIZE I AM THE DOPE
POO POO POO POO POO POO POO POO POO POO POO POO I AM STUCK IN A POO LOOP
I HAVE ONE RULE WHEN IT COMES TO CHICKS THAT THEY DON'T HAVE ROLLS OR ASSES AND THAT THEY AREN'T WHITE
I HAVE A CONUNDRUM I HAVE TWO BALLS -- I WANT THREE
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I'D LIKE TORI SPELLING TO GIVE ME SOME 9-0-2-1-ORAL SEX
ADMIT NOTHING! DENY EVERYTHING! DEMAND PROOF! OH WHO AM I KIDDING HULGAHLGHALUGHALUGHLUAHLAG
WELL LONG STORY SHORT THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS "DONGAZINE" AND I'M STILL OVERWEIGHT AND MY MOUTH HURTS
DO YOU EVER PISS IN YOUR FAT MOUTH AND THEN GO BLUGHLBUHLGUHBLUHGLU I'M A FOUNTAIN
SO ANYWAY THERE I WAS IN THE CONGO, LICKING SILVERBACK GORILLA DICK
SO ANYWAY I LIKE DICK AND THAT'S THAT I THINK YOU KNOW ALL YOU NEED KNOW ABOUT ME
THE QUESTION IS NOT WHETHER IT'S ART OR PORNOGRAPHY PEOPLE, THE QUESTION IS HOW FAR IS THAT BAT UP THE GUY'S ASS
PERHAPS THE ANSWER TO THE GENTLEMAN'S QUESTION LIES HERE, IN MY PANTS THE ANSWER IS COCK!!!!!! IT REALLY *IS* THAT SIMPLE
I MIXED VIAGRA WITH OLEAN!!!!! SPLUHURHGURHUG HULBHLUGHLUBSPLRULUG
I'M A CHAR TO A STAR TO A POINTER TO A DONG TO A BONG TO THIS GUN TO RIGHT IN MY MOUTH AND GOODBYE
FUCK YOU AND LICK DICK
SUCK THE DICK YOU FAT OLD MAN
REMEMBER WHEN WE LIVED TOGETHER AND WE WOULD TAKE THE BUS TO VARIOUS GAY PLACES AND YOU WOULD INSIST YOU WERE NOT GAY BUT BOY DID LESLIE AND CECIL AND FREDERICK AT BLOWHOLE'S KNOW OTHERWISE
IF I'M FAT BOY THEN YOU'RE LITTLE MAN SO SHUT THE FUCK UP LITTLE MAN YOU HEARD ME RIGHT NOW YOU'VE EMBARASSED ME IN FRONT OF THE GANG NOW I'LL NEVER BE A CRIP (OR A BLOOD OR WHATEVER YOU FAGS ARE)
LICK DICK OLD BEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ACCORDING TO THE 1997 MOTORCYCLE SUPPLEMENT FROM THE DMV, WHEN YOUR REAR TIRE GOES FLAT THE BICYCLE SWINGS "JERKILY" FROM SIDE TO SIDE, WELL WE ALL HAD A GOOD LAUGH AND I FAILED
CHRIST MY TURBAN'S ON FIRE I THINK THIS DOT IS TOO BIG, I CANNOT LIFT MY GAY HEAD
SHUT YOUR CAKE HOLE, GET ME OUT OF JAIL, AND HUMP MY HIP
I LIKE TO PRACTICE BEING GAY IN FRONT OF A MIRROR NOTE: A GOOD MAGICIAN NEVER CHOKES DOWN THE SAME DICK TWICE
MY DAD POOFED INTO A BAT AND FLAPPED INTO MY ROOM AND PUT HIS WING DOWN MY PANTS
ALL IN FAVOR OF LICKING SAY "I"
I'M SERIOUSLY JUGGLING MY BALLS HERE FOLKS
DOES THE F ON MY REPORT CARD STAND FOR FARTS OR FAILURE?
ARE WE A GAY BELL?
INSTEAD OF EGG MCMUFFIN THEY SHOULD CALL IT EGG MCSTUFFIN' BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP STUFFIN' MY FACE WITH DICK
FOOL!!!!! JEWS DON'T HAVE DICKS!!!!!!!!!!!
SO DAD WAS ALL: WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE?!?!?!?!?!? AND I WAS ALL: I WANNA SUCK COCK!!!!!!!!!!! THEN I REALIZED I WANTED TO SAY "I WANNA ROCK" BUT IT WAS TOO LATE
I WAS BORN IN A SMALL TOWN LICKED DICK IN A SMALL TOWN IT WAS MORE LIKE A STALL TOWN HITLER JUST HAD ONE BALL TOWN
I'M HOPING FOR THE SLASHDOT EFFECT ON MY MOUTH, FACE
I'M A FRESH MORNING BONER JERK ME BEFORE YOU HAVE TO GO TO WORK
WHEN YOU GET IRRATIONAL, I GET STIFF
FOLKS IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN GIVE A SHIT WHAT I DID LAST SUMMER
I AM DESCENDING SOMEHOW SINKING, BEING LOWERED INTO A VAT OF DICK ??? TOO DARK TO TELL (WILL SEND UPDATES)
BALLS HANGING TOO LOW CAREFUL YOU'LL PUT AN EYE OUT GIVE THEM ROOM TO SWING
WHEN FACE RAPING SOMEONE THERE'S SOMETHING TO BE SAID FOR GETTING A GOOD RUNNING START
IT IS SCHROINGER'S PIZZA AND IS NEITHER IN YOUR APARTMENT NOR OUT OF IT AND YET BOTH AT THE SAME TIME
WHAT DO I FUCKING LOOK LIKE A CHRISTIAN TO YOU
IF I COULD BE ANY KIND OF FLOWER I'D BE A BIG FAT ANGRY COCK
CLAMPING THE CLOWN NOSE ON MY DONG AND LOOKING FOR ANYONE ELDERLY/COMATOSE
I HAVE BEEN PUNCHED IN THE HEAD AND ASS FOR THE LAST TWENTY MINUTES STRAIGHT
MAYBE WE SHOULD PULL OUR PANTS DOWN
10 ADAM 12 WE HAVE A DICKLICKING IN PROGRESS CUMSHOTS FIRED
FUCK, I JUST HAD THIS FREAK ACCIDENT WHERE I SAT DOWN TO WORK AND I SPILLED DOPE INTO THE BONG AND THE LIGHTER FLICKED OUT AND SET IT ON FIRE AND THE WHEELS OF MY CHAIR SLIPPED BACK AND I INHALED THE DOPE SMOKE AND ATE A MUFFIN
I'VE GOT TWO BIG BONERS AND A MICROPHONE
IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BASKET
DICKS ??? MORE DICKS ??? PERHAPS BIGGER DICKS STILL ???? WELCOME TO THESE UNITED HOUSES OF PANCAKES
YOU'RE A STRANGE FAGGOT AREN'T YOU
FUCKING FAGGOT (LET'S HAVE GAY SEX)
I, SIR, AM JERKING
I HAD AIDS BEFORE IT WAS COOL
T DEUCE OUR NEW OPERATING SYSTEM WILL OFFER DYNAMIC DICKSUCKING AND VIRTUAL COCKSUCKING
OKAY I'M INTERCEPTING YOUR PACKETS AND DECODING YOUR SECRET GAYNESS SO GIVE ME MONEY
I SEE YOU SCANNING GAY GROUPS AND GIVING OUT YOUR WORK NUMBER ON CHANNEL #FAGGOT
ONE TIME I WAS MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS THEN THIS MEXICAN RAPES ME IN THE MOUTH AND OTHERWISE I'M LIKE HEY QUIT IT BUT RAPE ME HE DID MAN ALIVE I LEARNED A LESSON THAT DAY MY KNEEPADS ARE WEARING OUT
OW THIS IS NOT A FLIPBOOK THIS IS AN ACTUAL BONER
ARE YOU BOB HOPE CHEERING ME UP WITH NEWS FROM HOME AND A WHORE
I NEED TO BE PUMPED SO FULL OF SPURT THAT I CANNOT SEE STRAIGHT
YOU PROMISED UBERDONGS I ONLY SEE THIS DIRTY BUCKET OF DONGS HERE WHAT HAVE WE WROUGHT
FOLKS I'VE BEEN KICKED OFF THE RAPE SURVIVOR'S E-GROUP I REALLY FELL LIKE I HAVE BEEN VIOLATED TWICE NOW
WHAT KIND OF PROBLEM COULD EVER BE INVOLVED WITH DICKLICKING?!?!?
I WILL SUE FOR THE RIGHT TO LICK YOUR DICK (PUSHING ROLLED UP CONSTITUTION THROUGH HOLE)
SHARON STONE'S HEARTWARMING PERFORMANCE IN "WHORE" WHERE SHE RESCUES A KID AND PIMPS HIM I'M PROPPED UP LIKE A SOLDIER AND STOPPED UP LIKE A TOILET
WELL COCKMOUTH.GIF WAS EXACTLY AS ADVERTISED
I WOULD LIKE FOR MY TOILET TO BE DEEPER I.E. FOR THE POOP WOULD FALL FARTHER THE FALL SHOULD BE LONG ENOUGH THAT THE POOP IS SCARED SCARED AS IN FRIGHTENED FOR ITS PHYSICAL SAFETY IF THERE WAS SOME WAY IT WOULD SCREAM ON THE WAY DOWN THAT WOULD BE BEST IT IS THE ONLY WAY THE POO WILL LEARN
LOOSE LIPS LICK DICKS
SOMEONE IS CRUSHING MY BALLS IT COULD BE MY FATNESS
SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOUR DINNER BUT I WOULD LIKE TO CUDDLE YOUR CAT!!!!!! SURPRISE!!!! I AM CUDDLING YOUR TODDLER'S BALLS
MY CD PLAYER IS SQUEAKING AND SQUAWKING LIKE MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND
WE ARE ALL WATCHING THE DONGS (FOR SIGNS OF LIFE) AND PRAYING DOMINE SUCKUS
HI QUEERS, I'M JUST OUT SPREADING THE WORD OF GOD FOR EVERY DICK YOU CONSCIOUSLY DECIDE TO CHOKE DOWN THAT'S ONE STEP CLOSER TO NOT MAKING IT INTO THE KINGDOM I'M TALKING ABOUT THE QUEER KINGDOM SOUTH OF FOLSOM
I'M SERIOUSLY INVITING YOU TO FUCK MY FACE
IF YOU DON'T MIND PLEASE REMOVE YOUR DONG FROM MY ARMPIT
I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE THIS IS ALL FOR SOME PISSCAM PROJECT BUT I'M TRYING HARD TO HOLD STEADY
SO I SIGNED UP FOR JOINING A PENAL COLONY BUT WELL LONG STORY SHORT IT WASN'T WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE
YOU SAID THERE WAS WATER ON THE MOON AND INSTEAD IT'S JUST MORE GODDAMN COCKSUCKING
PLEASE HELP ME PICK OUT A GOWN FOR THE COCKSUCKERS BALL
THE CLOSEST DISTANCE BETWEEN TWO POINTS IS BEATING OFF !!!
HE SMILES EVEN THOUGH I AM PUNCHING HIM, USING HIM AS A JACKOFF FAMILIAR
CAN YOU GET PREGNANT FROM ANAL SEX WE WILL CONDUCT 1000 SCIENTIFIC TRIALS ALSO WE WILL NEED ANOTHER 1000 FOR THE CONTROL GROUP
I'M A LESBIAN!!!!!! BECAUSE BIG DICKS HURT MY MOUTH!!!!!
CANADIAN BONERS TASTE LIKE MAPLE FOR SOME REASON
I AM SAD TO REPORT I AM DYING FROM DICKLICKER'S DISEASE BUT I REALLY THINK YOU'LL FIND MY REQUIRED TREATMENT IRONIC AND INEXPENSIVE !!!!!!!!!! F-R-E-E
I WILL START A CLUB CALLED THE GAY AND LESBIAN AND HOMOSEXUAL AND LESBIAN AND LESBIAN AND GAY AND HOMOSECUAL AND GAY AND LESBIAN AND GAY AND GAY AND HOMOSEXUAL AND GAY AND LESBIAN AND GAY CLUB IT WILL BE CALLED THE GALAHALALAGAHAGALAGAGAHAGALAG CLUB
I CAN JUST BARELY SEE YOU ALL THROUGH THE PISS CURTAIN
DALEKS AND CYBERMEN MY DONG IS WHAT YOU WOULD CALL "AL DENTE"
I WILL LICK DICK ... IN BED!!!!!!
I WILL CUT OFF MY DONG AND BALLS ... IN BED!!!!!!!!!!
I HAVE A KEEN EYE FOR RAPING PROSTITUTES AND CLOROXING THEM DOWN THE BATHTUB ... IN BED !!!!!!!!!!
SOMEONE NEEDS THE NIGHTTIME SNIFFLING SNEEZING COUGHING ACHING WHEEZING STUFFY-HEAD FEVER SO YOU CAN SUCK A DICK MEDICINE
IN THE MOVIE SE7EN I PLAYED THE GUY ON THE COT WITH THE TUBES IN HIS BALLS PLEASE DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT MY BONER UNDER THE TABLE AT THANKSGIVING
TOO MUCH POO SAID POPPA BEAR
I'M GOING TO LEAVE MY DONG COOLING ON THE WINDOWSILL!!!!!!!!!!! NOBODY BETTER CHOKE IT DOWN WHILE I'M TAKING A NAP
IT'S NOT ABOUT LICKING DICK IT'S ABOUT LICKING DICK UNDER OATH
GODDAMNIT LADY I SAID ON THE PHONE I NEEDED SOMEONE TO DRIBBLE AND DROOL LONG STRINGY STRANDS OF SLOBBER ALL OVER MY DICK AND SUBSEQUENTLY HER FACE !!!!!!!!!! INSTEAD YOU ARE COPPING SOME LOSER-BITCH ATTITUDE WHICH FORCES ME TO BANG YOUR HEAD AGAINST THE MARBLE SINK
IT'S SUCKER PUNCH A QUEER MONTH AT YOUR NORTHERN CALIFORNIA MAZDA DEALER
I AM PUNCHING YOUR PRE-PAID BLOWJOB CARD TWICE BECAUSE YOU DID NOT BATHE TODAY MAKE THAT THREE TIMES (UNCIRCUMSIZED)
 WORDS I LEARNED BY READING LARRY FLYNT PUBLICATIONS: COCKSLUT, DIRT HOLD, PRICK HOUND, PISS-SCENTED, SPENT HOSE, ROPY TRAJECTORY, MOPPING JIZZ, BALL-SHRIVELING, COWLIKE
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW A "FAGGOT" CAN ALSO MEAN A TIGHTLY WRAPPED BUNDLE OF DICKS!!!! I MEAN STICKS I GUESS I HAD A FREUDIAN SPLURT!!! I MEAN SPLUTTERY FACE!!!!! I MEAN FAGGOTY SLOBBERGBLKGPTH
I'M GOING TO KEEP YOU IN A BOX BE MY VALENTINE
I WISH I COULD JUST FLAP MY ARMS AND FLY AWAY FROM THE CRUELTY AND FATNESS (BUT NOT FROM THE HAMBURGERS AND HAMBURGERS WITH CHEESE)
I WASN'T GOING TO LICK DICK, THEN I REALIZED I HAVE TO BE FLEXIBLE
APPEARS JAVA ISN'T SAVING THE WORLD AS PLANNED MAYBE SOME SORT OF PISSLET
LET'S GO TO THE MOON AND LICK DICK
I'LL SAY IT AGAIN: LET'S GO TO THE MOON AND LICK DICK
I AM SLOWLY MORPHING INTO A TOTAL COCKSUCKER !!! THE BEFORE AND AFTER SNAPSHOTS ARE EXACTLY THE SAME ?!? ALONG WITH EACH FRAME DURING THE MORPH ??? WELL THAT CAN MEAN ONLY ONE THING !!! HOMPTH HURMPTH I WAS A COCKSUCKER THE WHOLD GOD DAMN TIME HURMPTH PURMPTHGLK
JEAN CHARLES YOU FOOL YOU HAVE LEFT GAY VOICEMAIL TO THE ENTIRE COMPANY
I WILL DRUG YOU AND FUCK YOU
JESUS THE GAYNESS IS OVERWHELMING YOU WILL HAVE TO LEARN TO CONTROL IT OR YOU WILL NEVER SURVIVE IN THE WILD
OPERATION NOBLE ANVIL ?!!?! FUCKING HOMOS ARE IN CHARGE OF THE MILITARY
HOW ABOUT A FAT WISE INDIAN WOMAN WITH A DOT, BOBBING HER HEAD AROUND STRAIGHT INTO THE CAMERA OF A SOFT FOCUS SPRINT COMMERCIAL CLAIMING HER STAKE IN THE INTERNET GENERATION ??? SURPRISE FOLKS !!! NOBODY YAHOOS
YES FOLKS WHEN YOU'RE EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD THE WORD SODOMY IS NEW AND FUNNY PLEASE FUCKING CHOKE ON THESE TEN SHOTGUNS
QUIET WHILE I READ TOM CLANCY'S FORCE OF POKING SPOILERS !!! I'M A FAG
STRONG BONER RELATED CRYPTO AT WORK HERE PEOPLE TRYING TO CRACK THE CODE (IE FIGURE OUT HOW THE STUPID 501 BLUEJEANS ZIPPER WORKS) THANK GOD FOR BUTTON FLY BLUHHHH DUH GLORMPTH
I WOULD LIKE TO SUCK COCKS WITH A -R FOR RECURSIVE AND A -F TO BE FORCED !!!
TO CALCULATE HOW MANY DICKS I'VE LICKED YOU'D NEED ONE OF THOSE HILARIOUS WEB PAGE COUNTERS THAT KEEPS SPINNING AND FLIPPING OUT OF CONTROL WITH THE NUMBERS APPEARING TO RACE UPWARD TO INFINITY BUT REALLY ONLY GETTING TO 999999 BEFORE RESETTING TO 000000
FREE TIME ON YOUR HANDS? THINK DICK
IT'S LONELY ON THE TOP (OF THE SHIT PILE)
I WOULD LIKE TO REPORT AN UNLICKED DICK IN THE NORTHWEST CORNER OF MY PANTS !!!
YOU KNOW WHAT'S THE WORST PART ABOUT LICKING DICK ?!?!?! PISSING BLOOD
LET'S TALK ABOUT DICKS NOW (BECAUSE WE NEVER TALK ABOUT THAT)
T DEUCE WANNA WIFE SWAP ??? BUT SINCE NEITHER ONE OF US IS MARRIED WE CAN JUST SUCK EACH OTHER OFF AND PRETEND
ONLY GOD AND THE HUBBLE TELESCOPE KNOW WHAT I'M BEATING OFF TO
WARNING ON LIGHTER: KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO GET HIGH I WILL HOLD THE LIGHTER FOR THEM GROW UP AND PUT THE BONG IN YOUR MOUTH YOU GODDAMN BABY
I'D LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS PORN VIDEO IT'S GOT NO JERKOFFABLE GIRLS OR HOWEVER YOU SAY IT I DON'T KNOW ALL THE LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO
IF THE WHOLE WORLD LICKS DICK IN UNISON WOULD ANYONE BE ABLE TO HEAR IT ?!?? OR WOULD IT ALL JUST CANCEL OUT
HERE IN THE LAB WE'RE DEVELOPING ARTIFICIALLY INTELLIGENT COCKS THAT SUCK THEMSELVES AND ALSO EACH OTHER HOLY GOD THE EXPERIMENT IS OUT OF CONTROL
MAESTRO 113# /USR/AMANDA/JT -U ? XC0D610 ZC0D610: UNLOADED CARTRIDGE TO ZLOT ? BUT THE FILEZ WEREN'T OPEN (CV1): UNIT 0, REVISION 3. 8543515 BYTES RECEIVED IN 10.5 SECONDS (461904 BYTES/S) WONDER WHY ALL THE 4.4 DERIVED CLIENTZ GIVE BYTES/S REWRITE NAMED IN PERL /HOME/FTP/MN (ZIMILAR TO /HOME/WEB/NM) DOMAIN NIZ.COM NOT BOUND RPC FAILURE - CLNTUDP_CREATE()(TTYQ10) [ SUN SEP 14 20:18:00 ] THE SOFTWARE INSTALLED ON THIS SYSTEM HAS EXISTING CONFLICTZ. EXIT ALLOWED BECAUZE "RULEZOVERRIDE" OPTION IS ZET. *** LINE NOT FOUND ERR CAUTION! THIZ FILE CONTAINS CRITICAL KERNEL STATS '/PCI01F,4000/IDE03/ATA00.0" 0 "ATA" HPP sunv,HPP PN SUNV.PN ROOTNEX CPU-UNIT ROOTNEX IN-UNIT DBRI SUNV.DBRID SUNV,
HEY LET'S GO TO LUNCH TOGETHER AND SLAP EACH OTHER'S DICKS WITH CHOPSTICKS
P.S. WHEN I COME BACK I'D LIKE TO BE CALLED "G DOGG" BECAUSE i WILL HAVE JOINED A GANG T PANTS WITH SOME VERY ODD TOILET-RELATED INITIATION RITUALS HOLY CHRISTABLES I'LL BET THEY'RE NOT A GANG MAN AM I PISSED WITH JIZZY J.
BE GAY WITH ME NOW HERE UNDER THE SINK I WILL TIE A SPONGE TO THE PIPES SO WHEN YOU BANG YOUR HEAD IT HURTS LESS PLEASE DO NOT EAT THE DISHWASHER DETERGENT STOP PLAYING WITH THE ANT POISON AND PAY ATTENTION TO MY ATTENTIONABLES LOVE ME HULRHLGHGLUHGLUHGULG *BONK* OW OW OW I SHOULD HAVE TIED THAT SPONGE UP THERE
ACTUALLY CONCENTRATE ON THE TOILET INSTEAD OF READING OR BEATING OFF???? SHIT WITH YOUR HEART AND NOT JUST YOUR DUMB ASS
SO LET'S ALL GO TO THE MOON AND LICK DICK!!! RIGHT THIS WAY !!!
STANDING ON A CHAIR AND BEATING OFF, HOPING THE VIBRATIONS RESONATE THROUGH OUR INTERGALACTIC COMMUNITY AND BROADCAST A MESSAGE TO GAY ALIENS (OR AS I LIKE TO CALL THEM "MEXICANS")
I THINK I KNOW HOW TO REFER TO THE COCKS I SUCK THANK YOU VERY FUCKING MUCH
 HOW COME I HAVEN'T EVEN TRIED TO JERK OFF TO MY NEW PORN ?!?!?!? A DILEMMA (ALSO AN ANALEMA)
I AM PART OF THE COMMITTEE FOR PLACING NUTS ON TOP OF OTHER NUTS
SOMEBODY BETTER TELL MY NUTS TO SHUT UP STOP TALKING SHUT UP NUTS SERIOUSLY PEOPLE ARE LOOKING I WILL NOT SHUT UP NO YOU DO YOU DO
WILL JENNA JAMESON HAVE A SQUIRT BOOTH AT THE LILITH FAIR SHE WILL JUST BLEND IN WITH ALL THE OTHER BLONDE BIG BOOBED BORINGS
I'VE GOT TO COMB MY HAIR AND LEAVE THE STALL LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOBODY IS STARING AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IF WE TOUCH DICKS WILL THERE BE AN ARC ZZZZZZZZZZZZT PROOF POSITIVE
IT IS CALLED A MOUTH AND IT IS LOCATED ON MY FACE DO I NEED TO BUY YOU A STAR MAP I AM AN ASTROGATOR SECOND DEGREEGLHGALHABLHUBGLHUBAHLUABLHUGBALHBLHUAB
WHAT WOULD CHRIST DO HE WOULD MAKE AN O OF HIS MOUTH AND GO ABOUT HIS BUSINESS
LLHLHLHLHLHLHLH I AM THE GREATEST COCKSUCKER EVER TO GRACE THIS GOD'S EARTH
PERL CAN HELP ME ITERATE OVER THE COCKS IN A GIVEN STALL, MARK EACH AS SUCKED OR UNSUCKED AND SORT THEM BY LENGTH. THEN I CAN BE GAY WITH PISS AND GO HOME AND TAKE A NAP
YOU'RE CORDIALLY INVITED (OPEN CARD) TO SUCK COCK WHAT WILL I WEAR
THE ABSENCE OF A DEFINITE ARTICLE IN THE GERUND PHRASE OF THAT SENTENCE MEANS THAT AS A RESULT OF A DANGLING PARTICIPLE IT'S NOT TOTALLY CLEAR HOW MUCH DICK I HAVE TO SUCK DURING THE HOLIDAYS
WORDS THAT SOUND ALIKE BUT HAVE DIFFERENT MEANINGS ARE CALLED HOMOPHOBES
IT'S A BIRD IT'S A WHEELCHAIR WHO PUSHED MR. REEVE OFF THE SPACE NEEDLE
WHO WANTS TO WATCH ME JERK OFF TO FINAL FANTASY VII ??!??!?!??!? OR ME TO JUST REGULAR VI
STEP ONE: TAKE SOCK OFF STEP TWO: JERK IT INTO SOCK STEP THREE: REPLACE SOCK
I TINKLE AND THEN I STOP TINKLING AND THEN AFTER I PULL MY PANTS UP THERE'S A SUDDEN SPURT OF TINKLE SO WE ALL HAVE PROSTATE CANCER
AND IT TURNS OUT THE DICKS WERE HIDING IN THE SECRET ANN FRANK HOLE THE ENTIRE TIME
ANOTHER WEB COMIC WITH A HEART OF GOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111 CHOKING DOWN TEN BLACK DICKS IN TEN BLACK MINUTES
I'M READY FOR MY NEXT BARELY LEGAL ANY FUCKING DAY NOW WONDERING EXACTLY HOW HARD IT CAN BE TO GRAB SOME RUNAWAY OFF THE STREET AND BEND HER IN VARIOUS POSES AND SLAP IT AROUND THE SAME 50 PAGES OF PHONE SEX ADS THAT HAVE BEEN RUNNING SINCE 1982 IT SHOULD BE BARELY WEEKLY CURSE YOU LARRY FLYNT PRODUCTIONS
STUDY SAYS WOMEN MORE STRESSED THAN MEN WELL WHO FUCKING ASKED FOR IT GALS LET US IN THE WORKPLACE!!!!! LET US IN THE MILITARY!!!!! WE HAVE LOTS TO CONTRIBUTE!!!!!! HURRRR THESE BACKPACKS ARE HEAVY AND COMPUTERS ARE HARD AND I CAN'T GET AN ABORTION WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T GET FOUR MONTHS OFF TO HAVE A BABY!?!?!?!! WELL BACK TO PITCHING SUBSCRIPTIONS TO THE SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS OVER THE PHONE
I WILL MATCH YOU DICK FOR DICK AND WE WILL SEE WHO IS THE CRAZIEST
I'M STARTING TO GET HUNGRY ?!?!?! WHO'S UP FOR PRICKS
OK I'LL LIE ON THE FENCE AND UNCLE RAY WILL PRETEND TO BE BEATING ME AND YOU HAVE A HORRIFIED LOOK ON YOUR FACE AND WE'LL ALL LAUGH
FOR THE LAST TIME I WAS NOT BEING GAY IN THERE I WAS SIMPLY PRACTICING FOR A PLAY
THAT'S RIGHT FUCKO YOU'LL KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU
RUBBING THE NUTS (TO MAKE FIRE)
I HAVE HOLES POKED IN ME RENDERING ME USELESS TO COLLECTORS
NOT A DAY GOES BY WHERE I DON'T JERK MYSELF UNTIL I GET A STOMACH ACHE
MY PIANO TEACHER TOLD ME TO PLAY A B-FLAT BUT INSTEAD I PLAYED A B-FAT THEN I PLONKED OUT SOME B-GAYS PLONK BLONK DONK BLUH HOO DEE BOO SHINE THEN I FELL OFF THE CHAIR / BENCH
DOES ST. PATRICK'S DAY REALLY MEAN I CAN ASK ANY DRUNK IRISHMAN TO LICK MY DICK
SURE LADY I'LL HAVE PHONE SEX WITH YOU SQUIRT GOODNIGHT!!!!!!! CLONK BA-DONK
I THINK INSTEAD OF "MISDEMEANOR" MISSY ELLIOT'S MIDDLE NAME SHOULD BE "HUGE FUCKING FATASS"
BE GAY WITH ME AS WE JOURNEY TO THE CENTRE OF THE BOWL
YOU BE THE BORG AND I'LL BE BILL GATES AND WE CAN GROPE AT EACH OTHER'S ASS AND NUTS FOR HALF AN HOUR (FORTY-FIVE MINUTES)
LAST NIGHT WHILE I WAS ASLEEP MY BONER DEVELOPED A SIMPLE CHAT SYSTEM
YOU SIMPLY MUST AGREE TO BE GAY WITH ME I INSIST THAT WE CLIMB INTO THE DICK PIT AND DO THE JOB RIGHT
I HAVE DONG WATCH TONIGHT DONG WATCH IS A SERIOUS RESPONSIBILITY PRIVATE IF ANY ESCAPE YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE I HAVE HUNTED DOWN AND SUCKED MANY AN ESCAPED DONG
HAVE YOU EVER EVEN TRIED TO GET A PIZZA DELIVERED TO A STALL BEFORE
YOU'RE JUST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE CAN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF OF YOU YOU'RE JUST LIKE HEAVEN TO TOUCH I WANT TO HOLD YOU SO MUCH DOES YOUR WIFE KNOW YOU'RE BACK IN HERE WITH ME AGAIN
WHO WANTS TO PRACTICE "ORAL SEX" WITH ME?
I WILL READ ALOUD FROM THE GOOD BOOK OF DICK HALHUALUHAHUALAGHUHHU
THINK ABOUT ALL THE DICKS YOU'VE SUCK AND VISUALIZE YOURSELF GOING ABOUT THE WHOLE THING AGAIN WELCOME TO DANTE'S INFERNO
I AM WRITING TO INQUIRE ABOUT THE HEALTH BENEFITS OF SMALL OR MEDIUM SIZED DICKS IN MY ASS P.S. I LIKE POO
WHEN I SAY I LICKED ~9 DICKS COULD THAT MEAN 8 OR 10 OR 9.25 BECAUSE HONESTLY THIS TIME I DON'T REMEMBER
HELP ME I HAVE BEEN CRAMMED AND JAMMED INTO A PRISON BREAK FLICK
YOU SURE ARE "FORCING" ME TO SUCK YOUR DICK WHOEVER YOU ARE
I HAD A DREAM THAT I WAS A STUPID CHARACTER IN A COMIC STRIP THEN POO SQUIRTED OUT AND THAT WAS NOT A DREAM AND I'M UP AT 8:30 AM WITH THE SHEETS WHEN I TELL PEOPLE MY STORY I'M GOING TO SUBSTITUTE "UFO" FOR "THE FISTING SLING"
I WAS TALKING TO THIS GUY ONLY TO REALIZE IT WAS MY REFLECTION!!! THEN IT GOT ALL RIPPLY AND I THOUGHT I WAS SMOKING DOPE BUT IT WAS THE TOILET WATER RIPPLING!!!!! AND IT WAS ME WITH MY FACE IN THE CRAPPER THE WHOLE TIME!!!!!EPLAIN THE WHY OF THAT!!!!!!!!!!!
MY SOLAR OBSERVATIONS FOR DECEMBER 1999 1. IT'S BRIGHT 2. I CAN SEE MY OWN DICK IN THE MIRROR 3. MY NEIGHBOR'S DOGSHIT TASTES TANGY 4. I AM TOTALLY INCAPABLE OF GETTING AN ERECTION
SO HE'S LIKE "HOW ABOUT I PISS IN YOUR FACE" AND I'M ALL "NO THANKS" SO NOW I'M SOAKED
A LITTLE BIRD LOOKED DOWN ON ME AND SAID "SUCK MORE DICKS" WHICH IS WHAT BRINGS ME TO THE PRESENT, GENTLEMAN
I WRAPPED MY MOM'S PRESENT (COOKBOOK) AND YOUR PRESENT (BUTTPLUG) EXACTLY THE SAME AND NOW I CAN'T TELL THEM APART !!!!!! ZANY HIJINKS ENSUE
I PROPOSE A NEW TRANSPORT LAYER ON THE INTERNET IT WILL BE DESIGNED SPECIFICALLY FOR PORN / GAYNESS / ETC IF ONLY I COULD THINK OF A CLEVER NAME THIS BIT MIGHT HAVE A CHANCE IT ALREADY EXISTS !!!!!!! IT'S CALLED TCP/IP
IT'S A DOG LICK DOG DICK WORLD OUT THERE AND IT IS MY DUTY TO POINT OUT THAT THERE ARE JUST NOT ENOUGH DAMN DICKS
PERHAPS BONGHITS WILL FIX MY MAKEFILE
THIS SAYS FRAPPUCCINO BUT IT IS CLEARLY PISS
I SUSPECT I WILL BE FOUND GUILTY OF FIRST DEGREE DICKLICKING
YOU CAN'T SEND US OUT THERE WITH THAT GAY BAT FLYING AROUND
A WELL-HUNG JURY INDEED
I LIKE DI_K (ONLY ONE LETTER TO GO AND YOU WIN THE PRIZE)
IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL / IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL BUT IT STILL WON'T FIT UP MY ASS OH WAIT - THERE IT WENT
BRING IN DA NOISE AND BRING OUT DA DICKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOOOOOOOOOOOO I'M AN ADULT GAY MALE IN ADULT GAY DIAPERS
WITH GOD AS MY WITNESS I AM THE WORST POKEMON TRAINER EVER I'LL SUCK YOUR COCK FOR A NICKEL, FATBOY UBUBUBUBUBUBLBBHB
I ONLY SUCK DICK IN SELF DEFENSE AND AT THE BOOKSTORE
I CAN'T DECIDE IF I WANT GAYS IN THE CLERGY OR GAYS IN THE MILITARY!!!!!!!!!!!! I SURE AS FUCK WANT THEM OUT OF MY /LESBIANS DIRECTORY
ONLY IN AMERICA CAN WE BE THIS GAY AND NOT BE KILLED (ALTHOUGH BEATEN SEVERELY)
MY BONER WON'T LET ME SLEEP I'M GOING TO SEDATE IT WITH ALCOHOL WELL TURNS OUT THE BOTTLES OF WINE AND MY JARS OF URINE IN THE GARAGE LOOK EXACTLY ALIKE BOY THAT STAYS WITH YOU
I NEED A QUICK DICK INJECTION
THE FAQ WIZARD WILL HELP ME TO LICK MORE EFFICIENTLY
I AM NOT EMBARASSED BY MY ERECTION
YOUR ERECTION IS FRIGHTENING CHILDREN EVERYWHERE SO IT IS NOT SO MUCH SOMETHING TO BE EMBARASSED ABOUT BUT RATHER SOMETHING TO BE CONTROLLED AND REGULATED
GROK IS A WORD MEANING "I'M FAT, I HAVE A HUGE U.C. BERKELEY BEARD, AND I'M AFRAID TO HIT ON GIRLS"
ALL I NEEDED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM SUCKING COCKS UNDER THE FREEWAY MURPHY'S LAW OF PIZZA #47: IT HURTS TO TAKE IT UP THE ASS
FOLKS IF YOU WANT TO SUPPORT JERKCITY YOU CAN DO IT WITH ANONYMOUS DOLLARS SO I CAN'T TRACE IT BACK TO YOUR FUCKING SPEECH AND DEBATE TEAM!!!!! OKAY?!?!?! AND GIRLS PLEASE: READ A BARELY LEGAL BEFORE RINGING MY DOORBELL
YEY!!!!! KEVIN IS FREE TO ROAM THE EARTH AND SUCK COCK AND GET OLD AND DIE
AGAIN PEOPLE PLEASE LEAVE SOME DICK FOR OTHERS IF EVERYONE JUST GARGLED THEM ALL UP AND DOWN AND EVERY WHICH WAY HOW DO YOU THINK THE NEXT GAY PERSON MIGHT FEEL I'LL BET NOT TOO GOOD
MENTAL NOTE: DO MONOLOGUES ON SUNDAYS WHEN NO ONE ELSE IS AROUND SO NO ONE INTERRUPTS SLASH STEALS PUNCHLINES
TOO DAZED WITH DICKS TO BOOKMARK THE BABYLON 5 FAQ
BE GAY WITH ME
I HAVE TAPED A CROSS TO MY DOOR BUT STILL THE DICKS COME POURING IN AT NIGHT
DEAR GOD HOW CAN I POSSIBLY WORSHIP YOU WHEN YOU HAVE SENT THESE THINGS TO POUNT AROUND MY FACE/ASS/HAIR I MEAN JESUS DICKS AND PRICKS GIVE ME A SIGN OR SOMETHING I FEEL LIKE JOB (PRONOUNCED J-O-B THOUGH)
FOLKS I JUST TOOK A DATE-RAPE DRUG AND I'LL BE OUTSIDE ON THE LAWN
AND SO JESUS CAME OUT OF THE CAVE AND SAID "IT'S OKAY TO BE GAY" BUALBGULABGLUAG
I CAN'T SEE WITH THIS BLINDING WHITE LIGHT I DON'T WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN NOW !!! MY WORK IS NOT DONE HERE !!! AT LEAST PUT ME BACK ON EARTH IN THE BODY OF A COCKSUCKER
T AYN I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU BUT A NOVEL WHERE A CHARACTER HAS A 200 PAGE MONOLOGUE ISN'T A NOVEL YOU'VE GOT THERE IT'S A STEAMING PILE OF SHIT
YES!!!!! YOUR BIG FAT ASS IS BLOCKING MY OTHERWISE PERFECT VIEW OF EMPTY SPACE
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY BEFORE I BEAT YOU SENSELESS WITH MY FUCKING NUTS
SEVERE WEATHER ADVISORY MY FACE YOUR NUTS UHGUGHUGHUGHGUHGUHGUGH TOMORROW: PARTLY CLOUDY YOUR NUTS AGAIN SCATTERED SHOWERS
LEMME SET YOU RIGHT 'HERE, ADOLF I'D SPREAD ME CHEEKS FOR EVERY BLACK COCK IN THIS HOLE 'FORE I'D THROW IN WITH YOU LADS
HURRFGGHLGHLGUHGGLE HEY SOMEONE CLEANED UP THE URINE BACK HERE GURRRHUNGGUH
THE BLACK DOT FROM ADVENTURE CAN NOT HELP YOU NOW
SIR YOU ARE PUNCHING MY TEEF OU ANG I HAVENG EVEN SHOWG YOU THE BARGAINS
I GOT MY ASS STUCK IN THE TOILET AGAIN CROWBAR PLZ I CANNOT FIND THE ZEN IN THIS HURRY
CAN WE PLEASE UNCLOG THE TOILET THE OLD FASHIONED WAY THIS VENTI MOCHA IS MAKING ME SQUIRTY
CHRISTOPHER REEVE PRESENTS STEPHEN KING'S THE STAIRS
THINK OF IT AS PUNCHING A WOMAN IN THE MOUTH TO ENSURE A MORE FOCUSED "B.J." IF YOU KNOW WHERE I'M GOING WITH THAT
THIS IS CHANNEL #FUNNYJOKES NOT CHANNEL #PRESSRELEASE
I AM TALKING ON THE COMPUTER!!!!!!!!!! BEEP BOOP 100100010 1010101101 00101100101 MEANS I LICK DICK
I'M NOT DOING DICK ON OR OFF CAMERA, MY LAST CHECK BOUNCED AND YOU STILL OWE ME FOR OVERTIME FROM APRIL
DICKS
I AM GOING TO LICK YOUR DICK FROM 7:10 TO 7:14 AT WHICH POINT YOU WILL GUM UP THE WORKS AND TIP ME A WOODEN NICKEL WHICH I WILL PROMPTLY EAT
WELL I TAMED THE BONER MONSTER !!! WHO WANTS TO PET IT
THE GIANT SPIDER IS JUST INTO SITTING STILL AND SIGHING !!! I WILL PET HIM !!!! OW OW OW OW HE DOES NOT APPEAR TO HAVE A DICK I CAN LICK OW OW OW TOO MANY
COULD WE PLEASE HAVE A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR MY BONER
I HAVE MICROSOFT ON THE HORN !!! THEY'RE VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THE SWEETBREAD SHORTAGE
I'M A DESPERATE 20-SOMETHING CLINGING TO THE BELIEF THAT TALENT IS GENETIC
I SPECIFICALLY CHECKED "COWBOY BONER", NOT A FUCKING XMAS BONER
I WAS PROMOTED TO HEAD OF THE ADJUSTMENT COMMITTEE IF THE INMATE IS SENTENCED BY THE ADJUSTMENT COMMITTEE TO ISOLATION TIME, HE WILL BE PLACED IN A SEGREGATION UNIT TO AWAIT REVIEW THAT'S WHEN I SNEAK IN AND LICK THE DICK
I WENT ON A FISHING TRIP WITH FIVE GUYS AND CAME BACK WITH A BIG RED SNAPPER IT SAYS SO NEXT TO MY REFERENCES, HOME PHONE I'M A FUCK PUPPET
I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD MAYBE I SHOULD STOP DRINKING SCHNAPPS AT LUNCH
OKAY PEOPLE IT'S 4:30 IN THE MORNING AND I'M STILL A COMPLETE FAGGOT
NUTRIENT VALUE OF SEMEN INADEQUATE MUST SEEK ALTERNATIVE FOODSTUFFS
WHO PUT A BOOT ON MY NUTS
I EXPRESS MY ANGER THROUGH MY POTTERY AND POETRY AND COCKSUCKING HRLUB HLRUHBGLURHL BUHRLUB HLURHBLUR PRICKS ON THE WHEEL SPINNING AND WHAPPING MY MODEST LITTLE FACE HOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOO OKAY STINGING A LITTLE
I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY CALL IT A CONCENTRATION CAMP I CERTAINLY CAN'T CONCENTRATE ON ANYTHING BUT ALL THE DICKS PACKED CLOSELY TO MY FACE IN THIS TRAIN CAR
DROP ME OFF AT THE GAY HOLE
CUT OFF MY MOTHERFUCKING DICK AND STUFF IT INTO MY MOUTH AND KICK ME DOWN THE WATERSLIDE
I DON'T LIKE THE WAY GAY POLICEMEN HAVE ACCESS TO SEARCH WARRANTS
SHOW US YOUR TITS
NO MORE FAG MCMUFFINS OR WHATEVER THEY'RE CALLED
1-800-URINE ISN'T EVEN SEVEN DDDDD OH JESUS YOU'RE SOAKING ME I CAN'T WEAR THESE CLOTHES TO WORK TOMORROW DUE TO YOUR WETTING THIS CLASS IS HARD
PISS FIGHT (HANDING OUT DIXIE CUPS AND SPLASH GUARDS)
FOLKS GOD IS TELLING ME TO JERK OFF AGAIN (IN ORDER TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE)
YOU WILL SUCK DICK LIKE AN EGYPTIAN HURMPH BLOGHRPBLRH*(u HAVING ANOTHER MANIC MONDAY
I YAHOOED ALL OVER YOUR FUCKING STUPID FACE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DEAR CANADIAN GOTH GIRL I HAD A DREAM ABOUT YOU LAST NIGHT I DREAMED I BEAT YOU WITH A ROLL OF QUARTERS IN MY FIST THEN ME AND SOME FRIENDS ROLLED YOUR BODY IN AN OLD RUG AND PRETTY MUCH HID YOU OUT BY THE BAYLANDS AFTER SERVING THE WHOLE DIME IN FOLSOM, I WENT BACK AND DUG YOU UP BEFORE YOU DIED YOU SAID ONE THING TO ME: "MUCH MUSIC IS AN INFERIOR PRODUCT COMPARD TO VH-1" CAN CHARLES NG COME HOME YET ?? ARE WE ALLOWED TO DRINK THE WATER DO YOU THINK THERE IS DEEPER MEANING IN MY DREAM?? WRITE BACK LOVE, PANTS RESTRAINING ORDER CAME THIS MORNING
MY PENIS DOESN'T WORK !!! WHEN I HIT IT WITH A HAMMER IT DOESN'T SQUEAK ANYMORE 
CHIRP PIRP CHIRP PIRP CHIRP PIRP HYPNOTIZING ME CHIRP YOU'RE GAY CHIRP YOU'RE GAY CHIRP GAY A GAY CRICKET IN THE BIG BIG CITY FROG AND TOAD ARE FAGS
I AM GOING TO SEE THE 5:05 SHOWING OF HOLLOW MAN BECAUSE I THINK IT WOULD BE COOL TO RAPE A GIRL WHILST INVISIBLE
EIGHT SNICKERS LATER I HAVE DIHARREA
I'LL SEE YOU ON THE DARK SIDE OF THE BALLS
REMEMBER THAT TIME WE WERE GAY WITH EACH OTHER IN THE UPS TRUCK AND THEN IT TOOK OFF AND THE DOOR SLID SHUT AND WE WENT TO VERMONT
JIMMY CRACK CORN AND I SUCK DICK JIMMY CRACK CORN AND I SUCK DICK
 MY LATINO PRIDE IS OFFENDED BY YOUR BONER
THIS URINE STAIN REALLY TIES THE ROOM TOGETHER
MY BEST FRIEND, THE BONG POKER THINGY
IF THIS IS THE 80'S THEN I'M JERKING UNDER THE BED TO PENTHOUSE IN 10
I SAVE EVERY SCRAP OF PORN BECAUSE WHO KNOWS WHAT I'LL BE INTO THREE MONTHS DOWN THE ROAD
I HAVE SMOKED MYSELF RETARDED
YOU THERE. NO PUKING ON YOUR SHOES.
HE'S ALL "WANNA POUNDA DOPE" AND I SAY YES SIR AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW HE'S REALLY POUNDING IT INTO MY FACE!!!!!! THEN I REALIZE I AM THE DOPE
I AM PRIMED AND READY FOR GAYNESS EVERY STATION PLEASE GIVE ME A GO/NO GO FOR GAYNESS GAYNESS LIGHT ON CHECK
I EAT SHIT (REGULARLY, IT IS A PROBLEM)
SHIT!!! THIS GIRL IN FRONT OF ME JUST ASKED A QUESTION AND SHE NEEDS A RESPONSE AND I WASN'T LISTENING YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE I SUCK DICK!!!!
I HAVE SERIOUS PROBLEMS.  I'M AN OUT OF CONTROL SEX ADDICT THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN DEBT AND I THINK I HAVE AIDS
SOMEDAY I'LL BE A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY AND YOU'LL BE SORRY
SISTA #10 GETS AS MANY THUMBS UP AS I CAN MUSTER IN THIS STATE OF DEHYDRATION (FROM THE JERKING YOU SEE)
OKAY MADONNA!!!!!!!! WE ALL GET THE IDEA!!!!!! YOUR LOVE JUST KEEPS GETTING PUSHED OVER THE GOD DAMN BORDERLINE
ANOTHER BIG FAT RAPPER WEARING REALLY BRIGHT CLOTHES TO EMPHASIZE HOW FUCKING FAT HE REALLY IS ALL I HAVE IN THIS WORLD IS MY BALLS AND MY WORD I'LL THROW MY BALLS INTO THE MIX ALSO AND THIS GUN AND THEREFORE YOUR ATM CARD SIR (POINTING)
STOP CRYING !!! I TOLD YOU I WAS A COCKSUCKER FROM THE BEGINNING !!! YOU SAW THAT ISSUE OF MAXIM UNDER MY COUCH YOU CAN WATCH ME LICK DICK BUT YOU HAVE TO STAY OUTSIDE THE STALL FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY !!! YOU COULD LOSE A LIMB BECAUSE I'M LIKE A MACHINE WHEN I GET GOING I SAID STOP CRYING !!! JUST HOLD STILL AND LET ME GET DOWN TO BUSINESS !!! THIS TIME I'M ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN AND YOU'RE THE FARMER'S DAUGHTER
I AM BOTH OUTRAGED AND SADDENED YET I AM ALSO AROUSED AND ERECT I AM ENGORGED WITH BLOOD RELEASE THE DOGS OF WAR OR WHATEVER IT IS WE DO AROUND HERE
I EXPLAINED THIS BEFORE AND IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE: WE CAN'T AFFORD MORGAN FREEMAN AND ASHLEY JUDD WE'LL HAVE TO SETTLE FOR A BALDWIN
IF YOU TRY HARD YOU REALLY CAN MASTURBATE TO ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY'S THEATER SECTION !!! BUT JESUS CHRIST BY THE SECOND PARAGRAPH I'M ALREADY STARTING TO WISH I WAS SOMEWHERE ELSE 
I AM ATTEMPTING TO TRAIN MYSELF TO JERK OFF OVER HOUSEHOLD OBJECTS, MAGAZINES IN THE IMPULSE-BUY SECTION OF THE SUPERMARKET, THE LITTLE TIVO GUY THUS FAR THE EXPERIMENT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS A COMPLETE FAILURE !!! I AM CHUGGING AND TUGGING YET THIS MICROWAVE CART IS NOT GETTING ANY SEXIER
DO I HAVE TO DRAW A MAP TO MY LAP
DID YOU LISTEN TO A THING I SAID ??? FOR GOD'S SAKE LET US TOUCH DICKS BEFORE THE SUN COMES UP AND WE TURN INTO DUST OR PUMPKINS OR MICE OR WHATEVER
YOU KNOW IT'S BAD WHEN YOUR SQUIRTSHITS FILL UP THE BOWL ABOVE THE WATERLINE
T DEUCE FROM THE BOOK OF WANG PSALM 41 O THE WANGS / THEY MAKE MY DIZZY / O SO DIZZY / I'LL SIGN ANYTHING WHEN I'M IN THIS STATE / O THE WANGS / THEY MAKE US DIZZY/ YES RATHER DIZZY / QUITE DIZZY IN FACT O THE WANGS / AND ON AND ON / I SHOULD SLEEP SOON / YES THE WANGS THE WANGS WANGS WANGS WANGS / DIZZY AND SO FORTH THIS CHURCH FUCKING SUCKS
I KEEP DETAILED NOTES ABOUT EVERY DICK THAT'S EVER ASSAULTED ME HERE IN MY TRAPPER-KEEPER
MY DONG IS TRULY ON THE EDGE OF FOREVER
A BLACK A WOMAN TWO JEWS AND A CRIPPLE THAT IS THE JOKE AND THE PUNCHLINE I GUESS
I AM THE SNOW NINJA
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SIMPLY CUDDLING INSTEAD OF HORRIBLE ANAL RAPE
WHEN I JERK OFF I FEEL GOOD FOR ABOUT TWENTY SECONDS AND THEN WHAM IT'S RIGHT BACK INTO SUICIDAL DEPRESSION
I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT I REALLY LIKE THE #LOST WEBLOG AND SOMETIMES I RELOAD THE PAGE SEVERAL TIMES A DAY IN SEARCH OF FRESH NEWS AND LINKS TO PRON (WHICH I PRONOUNCE "PRAWN" AND ASSUME YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT FAT BLACK DICKS) 
I DON'T KNOW A RYANO FROM A PHATMAX BUT I CAN SUCK NINE DICKS NINE TIMES IN A NEW YORK MINUTE MY PURPOSE IN THIS WORLD IS TO TRACK URINE AROUND (THIS IS TRUE, I'VE SEEN THE PROCESS IN PRACTICE AND IT'S NOT PRETTY)
I'M A CHARCOAL BRIQUETTE SQUIRT ME WITH FLUID AND LIGHT ME FOOMP URF GAY
LOOKING FORWARD TO PLAYBOY'S GIRLS I GAVE A BLACK EYE TO AND THEN TOOK MONEY FROM
SO MY DAD'S STILL MOLESTING ME HE LIKES IT ALTHOUGH I FIND MYSELF INDIFFERENT ABOUT THE PROCESS OKAY THAT'S A WRAP I'LL BE SMOKING IN THE PARKING LOT IF ANYBODY NEEDS ME ONE MORE PAGE TO GO ??? CAN WE EDIT THIS PART OUT ALL RIGHT: UH, DEAR CANADIAN GOTH GIRL WAIT WRONG PAGE THIS PLACE IS WORSE THAN THE MUPPET SHOW
I CAN ONLY BE SO GAY BEFORE I RUN OUT OF SPURT
I AM A SERIES OF ON AND OFF PULSES SIGNIFYING DICK
MY ASS HURTS!!!!!! NO SERIOUSLY MY ASS REALLY HURTS CAN YOU STICK YOUR HAND UP THERE AND HELP PLEASE???? I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS
SILENTLY I DUNK MY NUTS INTO THE COLD TOILET WATER HMMM URRRRR
I GOT A PLANT !!!!!!!! TO MAKE MY WORK ENVIRONMENT MORE COMFORTABLE AND LESS SPARTAN !!!!!!!!!! ALSO I'M MENSTRUATING
I HAVE CHECKERBOARD MARKS ON MY ASS AND LEGS AND FACE AND BALLS AND WHATEVER OTHER PARTS OF ME WERE INVOLVED IN HALLOWEEN QUEERNESS LAST NIGHT BY THE WAY THE "GREAT PUMPKIN" TURNS OUT TO BE FALSE ADVERTISING
I'M GOING TO TIE MY DICK IN A KNOT THEN GET A BONER AND CHOKE MYSELF
THIS FRIDAY'S LAW AND ORDER: "FATTY MCFUCKFACE". HUGE PURPLE DICKS SLAP YOUR ASS AND LEGS.
FOLKS LET'S NOT LOSE SIGHT OF MY TINY LITTLE PRICK
REALLY DIFFICULT TO MASTURBATE TO/DURING BATTLEFIELD EARTH
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET !!!!!!!!!!! #10: YOU CAN'T BREATHE BECAUSE OF MY BALLS AND LEGS #9: GO FUCK YOURSELF ETC
SOMEONE TAKE THE SONG-WRITING QUILL OUT OF MADONNA'S HAND AND GIVE HER AN INSIDE-OUT BRASSIERE AND SHOVE HER BACK IN THE DICKLICKING ROOM ALREADY!!!!!!!!! I MEAN WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND HERE
GOD LOVES A COCKSUCKER SUCH AS MYSELF
ME AND THE MISSUS HAD A GOOD CRY AND IT TURNS OUT IT'S OKAY THAT I'M GAY CAN I PLEASE STAY IN YOUR HOUSE UNTIL MARCH
YOU CAN'T SUCK DICK AT OFFICE DEPOT LORD KNOWS I HAVE TRIED THEIR STAFF IS NOT TOLERANT AS THEIR ADS WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE THEY'RE ALL "CAN I HELP YOU" AND I'M ALL "HUFF HUFF HUFF" USUALLY I AM ASKED TO LEAVE AND ESCORTED OUT I ALWAYS FIND A WAY BACK IN HUFF HUFF HUFF BINDERS HUFF HUFF PALM PILOT ACCESSORIES HUFF HUFF OH GOOD THEY MAKE BUSINESS CARDS HUFF HUFF HUFF
EVER SUCK A COCK AND GET CONFUSED AND SPIT IT RIGHT BACK OUT ??? WE ALL HAVE AND SOMETIMES IT CAN BE PAINFUL TO RELIVE THIS PARTICULAR MEMORY BUT LORD KNOWS WE TRY AND WE TRY AND WE TRY
A GAY MAN IN MY UNDERPANTS!?!?!?!? ME?!?!?!?!!!
COME ON PEOPLE WHY CAN'T YOU ALL JUST LINE UP FOR YOUR FREE BLOWJOB WITHOUT COMPLAINING IT'S FROM *ME* FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LOOK AT MY BIG OPEN MOUTH AND POSITIVE ATTITUDE
CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT THE WANG INCIDENT (I MEAN IT'S TIME WE FINALLY FACED IT)
DEAR CANADIAN GOTH GIRL I THINK SPIGOT HAS BEEN USING MY TOWEL, WHAT SHOULD I DO SIGNED PANTS FROM JERKCITY
I WOULD LIKE YOU TO WEDGE YOUR BALLS AGAINST EITHER SIDE OF MY FACE LIKE A STARBUCKS AND A NOAH'S BAGELS
FOLKS THERE'S NO "I" IN COCKSUCKER
KILL YOURSELF AND FUCK THE BODY
COME TO MY SECRET URINE PARTY I'VE GOT A KIDDIE POOL IN THE LIVING ROOM AND PLENTY OF ADULT UNDERGARMENTS PLUS A BUCKET COCKS
HOW I SPENT MOTHER'S DAY: BEATING OFF TO THE CRUMB SOUNDTRACK
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. ###################. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. TKGSKHFGKJHSDSDSDFF. KEYBOARD WORKS.
I'LL HAVE A CROISSANDWHICH AND A GLASS OF RAPE
I HAVE A TWO-PRICK SYSTEM. WHERE IF ONE SPURTS I CAN CONTINUE SUCKING ON THE SPARE. I JAM THEM AND POKE THEM INTO MY FACE. SOMETIMES WITH SUCH FORCE I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME LIE DOWN FOR AWHILE. I WOULD LIKE NOT TO DISCUSS THIS ANY FURTHER.
THE SUN'LL COME OOOOOOUT... / TOMORROW / BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLHUBB HURRRF MUP DUP DANG.
I AM WILLING TO BE GAY AT LOW, LOW PRICES
YOU KNOW IN ENGLAND GAY PEOPLE HANG OUT IN THE "LAVATORY". AND COCKING IS CALLED "BANGERS AND MASH". ALSO DON'T ORDER A "PINT OF BITTER". I THINK WE'VE ALL MADE THAT MISTAKE. HELLO. OK I LIED I NEVER WENT TO ENGLAND. UNLESS MERVYNS COUNTS. I'LL BE QUIET.
WE THE PEOPLE, IN ORDER TO FORM A MORE PERFECT UNION, ESTABLISH JUSTICE AND A BUNCH OF OTHER STUFF. WHAT? YES, THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT. MAYBE YOU COULD JUST DRAW A BIG BONG IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WHOLE THING OR SOMETHING.
SAWDUST!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED LOTS OF SAWDUST!!!!!!!!!!!!! KITTY LITTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TARPS AND BLANKETS AND TOWELS!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANYTHING THAT SOAKS UP LOTS OF PISS FAST!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE HURRY!!!!!
YAY FOR MY BALLS
AS YOU CAN SEE, I HAVE NO EXTERNAL GENITALIA TO SPEAK OF
I AM HITTING YOU OVER THE HEAD AND TAKING YOUR LOAF, YOUR JUG OF WINE
CONCENTRATE ON MY VOICE ... SOON YOU WILL BE GAY
I'M FAT FOR TEACHER
DOES THIS COCK RING MAKE ME LOOK FAT
HURMPH GURF AT THIS TIME I WOULD LIKE TO NOMINATE LESS COCKS OW OW. MOTION DENIED. YOUR WITNESS. I WOULD LIKE TO CALL MY MOUTH AND BALLS TO THE STAND.
I WOULD LIKE TO BE GAY NOT ONLY IN THE PAST PRESENT AND FUTURE TENSES BUT ALSO THE PLUPERFECT SUBJUNCTIVE TENSE.
YOU WERE AN OVERWEIGHT TEENAGE WICCAN ENTHUSIAST WITH A DEAD CAN DANCE CD AND EQUALLY INSIPID PEERS WHO GAVE YOUR TITS THE TIME OF DAY IN EXCHANGE FOR RIDES TO THE COFFEE SHOP
FOLKS WE'LL NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER FUCKING FIGURE OUT WHAT SPACE AND THE UNIVERSE IS FOR SO LET'S LINE UP FOR BURGERS AND PORN AND DOPE AND BLOWJOBS!!!!!!!
YOU'LL NOTICE CHRIST NEVER APPEARS IN THE ASTRONOMY PICTURE OF THE DAY. MAYBE YOU CAN ONLY SEE JESUS BY DRINKING OR ROBBING A CHECK CASHING STORE.
WHAT WE WANT IS YOUR FACE FULL OF SPURT AND TWO PRICKS ON EITHER SIDE OF YOUR FACE. BIG SMILES. CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK.
I CANNOT TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PORN STARS AND SPORTS PEOPLE
DEAR IDIOTS!!!!! BY TAKING AWAY THE PORN ON PAPER YOU FORCE THE FREAKS TO GRAB KIDS OFF THE STREET!!!!!! I MEAN DEAR GENIUSES.
LET'S PLAY BONER WARS. ZWWWWIP ZWWWWWAP WE'RE LIGHT SABRES. MINE IS JUST FLOPPY AND NOT MAKING COOL NOISES. I SUSPECT I AM ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE FORCE.
HICKORY DICKERY DICKS. I'M STUFFING MY FACE WITH PRICKS. DRINK PEPSI.
WHO HAS THESE DISGUSTING FOOT FETISHES AND WHY ARE THEY SUBJECTING ME TO IT IN THE WRONG NEWSGROUPS? IF I WANTED TO LOOK AT POLAROIDS OF SOME STUPID WOMAN'S FOOT I COULD PROBABLY JUST TAKE THEM MYSELF.
IF I COULD JERK OFF TO ONE THING I'D JERK OFF TO YOU YOU AND YOU. AND YOU UNDER THERE.
I CALL IT PHOTOSLOP!!!!!!! AND ADOBE MASTURBATOR!!!!! AND MACROMEDIA CRASH!!!!!! AHHAHAAH DOES ANYONE GET MY JOKES?!?!?!? JOIN THE TIRED COCKSUCKER WEBRING
THE DAY THE UNIVERSE WENT OFF THE AIR BECAUSE NOBODY PLEDGED $300 FOR A FUCKING TOTE BAG?!?!? IS OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING NOT ENOUGH!?!?!?!?
SATURDAYS ARE FOR JERKING. ALSO CLAMPING, HAMMERING AND SQUEEZING. CARRY ON.
IF THERE WERE NO BLACK MEN THERE WOULD BE NO BLACK SPERM TO MAKE MORE BLACK BABY GIRLS TO GROW UP INTO BLACK PORN STARS AND THAT'S WHY RACISM IS BAD AND HITLER IS COOL.
HOLD ME. YOU ARE TOO FAT AROUND THE FAT AROUND AND WE ARE STUCK. ENDLESSLY ORBITING EACH OTHER IN SPACE. A WORDLESS GROPE ENSUES. IT IS LIKE 2001 IN THAT IT IS A VERY VERY SLOW SCENE BUT IT IS SCIENTIFICALLY ACCURATE (THE GROPING).
THE LEGO COMPANY DOES NOT ENDORSE THE LEGO HOLOCAUST ARTWORK. SENDING BACK MY LEGOTOWN GAS CHAMBER / SKELETONS KIT.
YOU MIGHT SAY ALL THIS SARIN GAS IS MAKING ME VIETNUMB.
MY $0.02!!!! IN THE BLAB ROOM!!!! WHERE I'M SOUNDING OFF AND TALKING BACK AND SPEAKING OUT LIKE A FAT FUCKING AMERICAN IDIOT!!!! IT'S MY RIGHT TO EXPRESS MYSELF!!!! HURRRRRR HOT URINE AND BROKEN GLASS
I MASTURBATE JUST ABOUT DAILY. SOMETIMES TWICE IF SOMETHING SETS ME OFF. LIKE AN ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT SEGMENT ON SUPERMODELS OR THE MAILMAN. YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO GO DOWN THAT PATH AND FIND YOUR INNER MASTURBATOR AND CONVINCE HIM TO GET INTO THE ZONE AND GO FOR THE GOLD. IF NOT THE GOLD THEN PERHAPS A HANDFUL OF SEMEN.
SOMETIMES, WHEN I GO ON BUSINESS TRIPS OR VACATIONS, I DON'T GET A CHANCE TO MASTURBATE. WHEN YOU STOMP AROUND A STRANGE CITY ALL DAY AND COME BACK TO AN IMPERSONAL HOTEL ROOM, IT'S HARD TO GET IT ON. HERE'S A TIP: PACK SOMETHING SOFT TO SPURT INTO. LEAVE IT IN THE ROOM AFTER YOU CHECK OUT.
DID i MENTION I WAS MOLESTED? I'M PRETTY SURE I DID, ONCE OR TWICE, BUT YOU DID NOT OFFER TO DISCUSS THE MATTER WITH ME. LET'S HAVE A NICE QUIET DINNER AND HAVE A FRANK DISCUSSION ABOUT MY DAD'S DONG AND HOW HE PUT IT IN MY MOUTH AND ASS NOW AND THEN. ANYWAY, i'M CLEARLY THE VICTIM HERE AND THAT'S WHY I DON'T SUCK DICK. i HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND.
FOLKS, SALVATION IS HERE. WITH PISSCHRIST AS MY WITNESS I AM THE MAN WITH THE PLAN. IT GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS. FIRST WE LICK THE DICK. THEN WE LICK THE DICK SOME MORE (TO BE SURE).
NOW i DON'T WANT TO GET INTO THE SPECIFICS BUT SEMEN HAS AN OYSTER-LIKE CONSISTANCY AND STINGS WHEN IT DRIBBLES OFF MY STUPID FACE AND INTO MY EYES. HOLY CHRIST, IT STINGS.
ONE TIME I WAS MASTURBATING OUTSIDE A BAR IN CAPITOLA. A POLICE OFFICER SHINED HIS LIGHT INTO THE ALLEY AND FOUND ME WITH MY PANTS DOWN. I EXPLAINED THAT I WAS TAKING A LEAK. FOR MY TROUBLES, THE OFFICER GAVE ME A LECTURE ABOUT HOW I COULD BE CHARGED WITH A SEX CRIME, HOW I'D HAVE TO REGISTER AS A SEX OFFENDER IN EVERY COUNTY. THANK GOODNESS HE LET ME OFF WITH A WARNING.
YOU CAN MEET THE MOST INTERESTING PEOPLE MASTURBATING IN THE BATHROOMS OF MALLS AND DEPARTMENT STORES. GO TO YOUR TOWN'S EMPORIUM DURING YOUR LUNCH HOUR AND HANG OUT. IF YOU'RE NOT PARTICULAR, THERE'S ALWAYS ARBY'S.
FOR THE MOST PART, YOU CAN DETERMINE HOW MANY TIMES YOU HAVE MASTURBATED. PICK A YEAR THE BATTLE BEGAN AND AN AVERAGE NUMBER OF SESSIONS PER DAY. CONSIDER THIS: WHEN ALL THE NUMBERS ARE MULTIPLIED OUT, YOU CAN THEN DETERMINE HOW MUCH SEMEN YOU'VE GENERATED. ENOUGH TO DROWN A TODDLER? HMM?
EVENTUALLY, IF YOU BANG YOUR HEAD LONG ENOUGH, THE WOODEN PUPPET TRANSMOGRIFIES INTO A REAL BOY AND THEN YOU HAVE TROUBLE WITH THE FEDS. UNTIL THEN, IT'S A SHELL OF A THING, A THING WITHOUT A SOUL. THERE IS NO WATER INSIDE ME, JUST A LITTLE DIRT AND A SILVERFISH.
THE TRICK TO BEATING OFF TO SYLVIA SAINT IS TO KEEP THE SOUND DOWN!!!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT EROTIC MEANS BUT I CAN'T BEAT OFF IF I HAVE TO KEEP ADJUSTING THE VOLUME.
ROUGH CLOSETED SEX. OKAY NOT ALL THAT CLOSETED. AND LESS ROUGH THAN ONE MIGHT EXPECT. BANG BANG BANG BANG OW OW OW OW. I'M BILL KURTIS.
HANDS UP WHO HERE HAS TASTED THEIR OWN JIZZ (GUZZLING OTHER PEOPLES' JIZZ DOESN'T COUNT)
BOY HAVE I LEARNED THE RULES OF DICK: LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION
SORRY FOR THE SPAM, BUT: COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS. I'M POSTING TO NEWS.ADMIN.NET-ABUSE.MISC ABOUT THIS.
THE COCKMOBILE WILL COME TO MY TOWN SOME DAY. THEN I CAN SUCK DICKS FROM FARAWAY LANDS. AND LOCAL COCKS THAT I KNOW AND LOVE.
HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY. DON'T FORGET TO LAUGH AT A DISABLED VETERAN. DID YOU LOSE YOUR LEGS SUCKING COCK IN A BATH HOUSE? I DIDN'T KNOW THEY GAVE GUNS TO FUCKING FAGGOTS.
HOMOSEXUAL SEX, REALLY NOT ENJOYING THIS TOO MUCH; HOMOSEXUAL SEX, PRISON; HOMOSEXUAL SEX, STRETCHMARKS AROUD THE MOUTH AREA; ...OH HI. I'M JUST FLIPPING THROUGH THE INDEX OF MY QUEER HANDBOOK. HOLY GOD. I CAN GET A MERIT BADGE FOR SIMPLY BEING JIZZED UP. TRYING TO CHEER YOU AND THE AUDIENCE UP.
THERE'S NOTHING PERVERTED OR GAY ABOUT ME WANTING TO OPEN A BOUTIQUE. IT'S A COCK BOUTIQUE WITH LITTLE BOWS AND RIBBONS BUT IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. LITTLE HATS AND COSTUMES FOR THE PUPPET SHOW I PUT ON EVERY MORNING. MMM HURBLE BURBLE LOOK AT ME ON MY WAY TO SCHOOL. I SURE AM GAY. TIME FOR COCKS. WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM BAM BAM BAM THIS IS NO DREAM.
EVEN A STOPPED CLOCK GIVES HEAD TWICE A DAY; WHY CAN'T YOU? (DICKS)
IF I GO TO THE THREE O'CLOCK MEETING AND SIT THERE AND PUT MY NUTS AND WANG ON THE TABLE, PLEASE PROMISE THAT YOU WILL NOT TAKE THE BLACKJACK AND START BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF MY EXTREMITIES (TOO LATE)
WHAT'S FUNNIEST ABOUT JEWS IS THAT YOU WIND THEM AND THEY RUN FROM HITLER
HELLO??? AM I LATE FOR BURNING MAN??? IT IS COLD. THEY PROMISED FOUR AND TWENTY BLACKBIRDS. THIS IS MORE LIKE FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY BLACK DICKS ALL AT ONCE (WITHOUT REMORSE OR AN OUNCE OF POLITENESS I MIGHT ADD).
I'M GOING TO SUCK YOUR COCK UNTIL YOU'RE BLUE IN THE FACE AND I'M NOT HUNGRY ANYMORE.
I'LL TAKE UNLICKED DICKS FOR $200
I HAVE SEEN MANY AN UNLICKED DICK IN MY LIFETIME: COLD, HUNGRY DICKS. WE MUST NOT LET THIS HAPPEN IN OUR AMERICA.
LOOK WHAT I CAN DO WITHOUT ANY ASSISTANCE FOM THE AUDIENCE HALUGHU LAHGLU HAULGHALUGHULAGHALUGHALUGH LAUGHLAUGH LUAGLAG ALUKG HALGH LAUG LUAHGLU HGALU HAGL HLAUG HLAGHL AHGLU HALGH AAG OKAY I NEED SOME HELP HERE HUAGHALGU HALUKG LUAGH LUAG PERHAPS A LADDER OR A BUCKET HALUGHALGHLU
GRANTING PRIVILEGES TO UNTRUSTED CLASSES??? IMPLEMENTING MY OWN SIGNING FACILITY??? DEPLOYING REAL-WORLD SOFTWARE ON THE INTERNET??????? CARTOONS ABOUT COCKSUCKING AND DICKLICKING???? NOW YOU'RE TALKING THERE CHIEF. I LIKED YOU BETTER WHEN YOU WERE IN A COMA (A VERY GAY COMA INDEED).
ANY KIND OF DICK WILL DO BUT I PREFER TO CHOMP AND CHEW ON THE NORTHERN AMERICAN VARIETY FOR VARIOUS REASONS / CONDITIONS. SERIOUSLY IF YOU COULD JUST FORM A LINE TO THE LEFT OF THE URINALS I'LL GET TO BUSINESS.
CAN WE PLEASE JUST LICK DICK
WHY THE FUCK DOESN'T THE LIVING ROOM MACHINE WORK? WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM. YOU FUCKING POWERMAC FAGGOT COMPUTER. WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM. HOLY GOD YOU ARE POUNDING ME TO POWDER. WHAM WHAM WHAM. AND THERE IT GOES (PERFECT DAVID ATTENBOROUGH VOICE).
IT TURNS OUT "NADS" IS SHORT FOR "GONADS" WHICH IS SLANG FOR BALLS. ANYWAY I GOT KICKED THERE. ACTUALLY THE BONE THAT CONNECTS MY NUTS TO MY WRIST IS SPRAINED. THAT'S MY JERKBONE. POSSIBLY MY JIZZBONE, I'M NOT A DOCTOR.
WE ALSO SUGGEST GUTTERMOUTHS II, SODOMANIA SLOPSHOTS 4-6 AND FILTHY FIRST TIMERS. SPRAYING AND SQUIRTING LIKE AN UNCLAMPED HOSE.
I ASKED YOU TO WAIT THIRTY MINUTES BEFORE LICKING ANOTHER DICK. YOU'RE GOING TO GET A HORRIBLE PAIN IN THE BELLY. IF I DIDN'T KNOW BETTER I'D SWEAR YOU UNLICKED THEM ON PURPOSE.
MEL TORME IS SINGING ABOUT HOW WE SHOULD BE MORE THAN FRIENDS??????? THE LOOK / OF DICK... LITTLE OR NOTHING TO DO WITH BROWSERS AND NEARLY EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD TO DO WITH TROUSERS.
HOW ABOUT YOU AND ME LICKY PRICKY. HOW ABOUT YOU TAKE ME CHINAMAN STYLE (OPIUM, PEEING IN MY COKE, RICE, RAILROADS, LAUNDRY).
HEY WAIT A MINUTE IS THIS GOING TO END UP ON JERKCITY. FIRST I TAKE IT UP THE ASS, THEN YOU CRAM IT HARD. AND WE SELL THE VIDEO FOR $79.99. IN SOME ORDER. WITH WALNUTS.
CAN DICKS BE LICKED PEOPLE. SHALL WE DIAGRAM THE SENTENCE. THE SUBJECT IS DICKS AND THE VERB IS "CAN".
SAD THAT THE DOPE YOU GAVE ME WAS AN I.O.U. AND A BOTTLECAP.
I'M JAR JAR I'M JAR JAR I'M JAR JAR I'M JAR JAR I'M JAR JAR I'M JAR JAR I'M JAR
FOLKS WE'RE DOING SOME REMODELING. I HAVE ISSUES WITH MY FATNESS, MY GAYNESS, MY LOCH NESS MONSTER.
THE NOTE FOUND IN THE POCKET OF A RUSSIAN SEAMAN: WODKA. PLEASE TO TELL LENIN THAT IT IS FUCKING COLD. WODKA.
)(*ASGY(*OUSDGS(*&TNR IUE(*&BIGBSGHGD (&$HBOHGOSD
I'M LUCIDA SANS TYPEWRITER!!!! I'M KICKING YOUR FUCKING SERIF ASS!!!!!!!! YOU ARE VERDANA (AND VERY READABLE). ALTHOUGH YOU SECRETLY WANT TO BE IMPACT. I'M A RESUMABLE DOWNLOAD NOW.
YOU SAY SHUT BUT YOU REALLY MEAN OPEN WIDE. PLEASE CANCEL MY SUBSCRIPTION TO "ASIAN TITS".
HURTS TO WIPE!!! ARE YOU SURE I SHOULD BE USING BRILLO PADS??? WRITE BACK.
JESUS LOVES ME THIS I KNOW FOR THE LHULHLHULHLUHLUHULHLHULHULUHULULHULHULHULHULHULHULHULHU HULHULHULHULLHU EPILEPSY. I AM CURSED FROM HEAVEN. STONE ME. STONE ME I SAY. BONK HONK. HELLO IS THIS THING ON. ACADEMY FUCKING AWARD MATERIAL GOING ON HERE PEOPLE.
JEWEL WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHO WILL SAVE MY SOUL (HELP ME OUT HERE). WHO WILL FILL HER FACE WITH SPURT I THINK IS WHAT SHE'S WORRIED ABOUT. NOW THAT YOU MENTION I THINK THAT IS WHAT SHE'S TELLING ME AFTER ALL. EXCUSE ME. (STARTS TO MASTURBATE).
I AM LIKE THE SUNFLOWER, HIDING WITH MY KNEES BUNCHED UP IN THE TOILET TRYING TO LOOK THROUGH THE PARTITION AT OTHER PEOPLE'S PISSING DICKS. OKAY MAYBE LESS LIKE A SUNFLOWER.
MEANWHILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BACK AT THE DICKLICKING FARM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FREE RANGE COCKSUCKERS?????????????????? I'M GOING TO PUT A STOP TO THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL. EXCUSE ME SIR I DEMAND TO SEE THE FARMER. OH GOD I'M UPSIDE DOWN AND UNDERWATER AGAIN. WAIT I'M REALLY AT THE LOCAL KRISPY KREME AND THIS IS ALL A DREAM. WAIT NO I REALLY AM UNDERWATER BLBBLBLBLLB
I AM TRYING TO DRAW A BONG BUT IT JUST LOOKS LIKE A BONER!! GIF AFTER GIF OF BONER AFTER BONER!! AM I GAY?? WRITE BACK
WEEBLES WOBBLE BUT THEY DON'T SUCK DICK
GAK THE HOOD BEING PULLED DOWN OVER MY HEAD AND GLK THE STRINGS
WE WILL RETURN TO OUR REGULAR PROGRAMMING SHORTLY. ALSO I WOULD LIKE TO STATE THAT I DID NOT PUNCH THE PROSTITUTE I WAS ONLY HELPING HER DOWN OFF THE STAGE.
EXCUSE ME SIR. SIR. ARE YOU THE CROW? BECAUSE YOU'RE PISSING ON MY BRIEFCASE.
I AM GOING TO SMACK YOUR HEAD HARD ON THE TILE IF YOU DON'T WATCH THE TEETH
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WE NOW RETURN YOU TO THE PREVIOUSLY SCHEDULED BONGATHON ALREADY IN PROGRESS
TURN ON YOUR HEARTLIGHT / LET IT SHINE WHEREVER YOU GO / LET IT MAKE A HAPPY GLOW AND FOR GOD'S SAKE LET ME LICK YOUR DICK (CHORUS)
LET US LEARN FROM THE FUTURE SO WE CAN LOOK BACK AND URINATE ON THE PAST
NONSENSICAL SYLLABLES AND PREPOSTEROUS GAY ACTS
COULD YOU PLEASE TYPE "MAKE" IN THE QUEUE DIRECTORY OR SHOULD I JUST SUCK COCK FOR UNDER TEN MINUTES
I'VE GOT SOME SERIOUS GAGS LINED UP FOR NEW YEAR'S (CHAMPAGNE CORKS AND WHAT NOT). HOW ABOUT YOU BE THE )(B*$:)(*EG AND I BE THE F)(*DV:#JDFLS. MOOOOOOOOO. SERIOUSLY WORRIED ABOUT THE QUALITY OF DICK.
NOT A CREATURE WAS STIRRING.  THEY WERE ALL IN SHOCK FROM THE UNSTOPPABLE SERIES OF BLOWJOBS, ONE AFTER ANOTHER.
I'D BETTER JERK OFF FOR GOOD MEASURE. JUST IN CASE. JUST TO BE SURE. BECAUSE WHAT IF... UHHH UNFINISHED
NOW THAT I THINK BACK ON IT, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN OBSESSED WITH POO
MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION WILL BE TO KILL TWENTY PEOPLE BEFORE THE YEAR 2002 (BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN THE WORLD WILL END). OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE. HEY WAIT A MINUTE. IS THIS EVEN THE ICE CAPADES???
FYI: ALL OF THE MOTHRA GIRLS ARE PRESENTLY ENJOYING AN EXTENDED TOUR UP MY ASS
YOU ALL DESERVE A NEW MEDAL. THE BROWN MEDAL. (IT'S BROWN)
IS MUMIA FREE YET ???? I'VE HAD THIS BUMPER STICKER ON MY CAR FOR THREE WEEKS NOW
THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN AND ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND. WAIT I FORGOT TO FAG UP THAT PHRASE CAN THE EDITING BOYS PULL AN ALL-NIGHTER AND FIX THIS UP BEFORE SHOWTIME??? GREAT!!! AHULGAHLAHG
IT WAS LIKE I TOLD YOU: DICKS TO THE LEFT, DICKS TO THE RIGHT. THEN I SAY "HEY ARE YOU GEORGE MICHAEL". AND OF COURSE HE RUNS OUT. UNLICKED DICKS BY THE BASKET IS ALL I'M ASKING. STANDARD LAUNDRY HAMPER SIZED BASKETS, YES.
O SOLO BONERS
I FOUND A LIZARD SQUISHED BETWEEN TWO PIECES OF PLYWOOD TODAY
WHERE HAVE ALL THE FAGGOTS GONE? I ASKED YOU A DIRECT QUESTION!!! WHERE HAVE ALL THE FPFHFHFHTTH FOUND 'EM
I JUST TAPE THE CONTROL KEY DOWN AND EVERY MENU IS CONTEXTUAL!!!
WHAT IF WE ROLLED THEM ALL UP IN THE AIDS QUILT AND FIRED IT OFF INTO SPACE????
I'M GOING TO HAVE A PRIVATE RED DWARF SHOWING AT MY HOUSE TOMORROW NIGHT AND YOU'RE ALL INVITED. YOU BRING THE DALEKS.
MOODS ARE LIKE RAINBOWS, IN THAT I'M A COCKSUCKER
SOME DAYS I CANNOT GET UP OFF THE FLOOR. OTHER DAYS I AM NOT ALLOWED TO.
JESUS CHRIST LOVES A GOOD PUNCH TO THE HEAD (FROM TIME TO TIME) HE'S LOOPY LIKE THAT (OUR LORD AND SAVIOR)
KNOCK KNOCK SERIOUSLY HERE ARE SOME CLEAN TOWELS AND BATH OILS AND PRECIOUS LOTIONS AND ADVANCED SKIN CONDITIONERS AND FOR GOD'S SAKE LET ME COME IN THE BATHROOM WITH YOU
I HAVE A SEA URCHIN UP ME
I HAVE DISCOVERED IF I LISTEN TO THE SAME BANANARAMA SONG TWO HUNDRED TIMES IN A ROW, I GET SICK OF IT
IS THAT A BIG FAT DONG IN YOUR PANTS OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?!?!?!?!?!?! DON'T CARE JUST FLOP IT OUT REGARDLESS
SLOW DOWN, TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND SOAK ME WITH THE HOSE
IF ANY OF YOU NEED A LOAN, I WOULD MORE THAN HAPPY TO SUCK YOUR DICK
I SEE YOU MASTURBATING LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT AND I SAY "SLOW IT DOWN TAKE YOUR TIME" ALSO I MET ELVIS IN A PAYTOILET IN GOLDEN GATE PARK. MORE LIKE A BI-CURIOUS CIRCLE JERK. OK WHO'S IN.
I CAN'T SEE. TURN THE LIGHTS ON. I'M NOT SAYING TO NOT BE GAY, JUST TURN THE LIGHTS UP. OK TURN THEM OFF.
SERIOUSLY IF YOU WANT TO MARRY ME THAT WOULD BE JUST FINE I CAN INTRODUCE YOU TO MY PARENTS (THIS BONG AND THAT DONG).  ALSO IF YOU COULD PLEASE BLOCK ME FROM YOUR SITE I CANNOT STOP JERKING OFF AND I'M STARTING TO GET REALLY DIZZY (AND THAT CAN'T BE GOOD FOR BUSINESS). I HAVE APPEARANCES TO KEEP UP YOU KNOW.
MORE LIKE ***BORED*** OF THE RINGS. MORE LIKE ***LONG*** OF THE RINGS. LOAD OF CRAP. FILK OF THE FACE. SUCK OF THE DICK
ACTIVATING IPV4 PACKET FORWARDING. STARTING RPC.PORTMAP. MOUNTING REMOTE FILE SYSTEMS. STARTING SYSLOG, INETD, SSH AND LPD FOR SOME REASON. LOADING THE IBSC MODULE (IN A VERY GAY WAY). APACHE START: HTTPD STARTED. RUNNING GPM. HURRAY I BOOTED
DICKS ON IN AROUND OVER UNDER NEAR ME. THE OTHER PREPOSITIONS TOO. THERE ARE LOTS YOU'LL HAVE TO GO THROUGH THEM ONE AT A TIME. DICKS ABOUT ME. DICKS ABOVE ME. DICKS BESIDES ME. DICKS EXCEPT ME. DICKS EXCEPTING ME. DICKS FROM ME. DICKS INSIDE ME. AWWW YEAH. DICKS SINCE ME. GO TEAM. DICKS PAST ME. MAN WHAT A FAG. DICKS THROUGHOUT ME. DICKS ON ME. DICKS ONTO ME. DICKS OUTSIDE ME. DICKS WITH ME. HIGH SCORE!!! ENTER YOUR INITIALS. DICKS WITHIN ME
COULD YOU PLEASE ELABORATE AND BY THAT I MEAN SUCK ON MY NUTS UNTIL YOU TURN PURPLE
THERE IS ONLY ONE GOD AND HE IS PUTTING HIS FINGERS IN MY RECTUM RIGHT NOW
GOD IS LOVE (AND ANAL PROBING)
I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO WORKING WITH THE GAY
FUCK THE AMISH
DON'T TELL ANYBODY BUT I JUST MASTURBATED
LOVING YOU IS EASY BECAUSE I ALREADY CAME
FUCKING SHUT UP WITH YOUR DUMB SHIT ALREADY I'VE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOU PEOPLE AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE ANYMORE
PLEASE POKE YOUR DICK AND BALLS THROUGH THE FLAP AND I'LL PLAY WITH THEM
IN SOME KIND OF ENDLESS LOOP GOING *PONK* GAY *PONK* GAY *PONK* GAY
JACKING OFF TO WHATEVER THAT THING IS UNDER MATT DRUDGE'S HAT
IT'S ONE SMALL VOTE FOR A MAN ONE GIANT VOTE FOR LICKING DICK ON THE MOON
EATING DICK IS LONELY WITH A SPORK