quotes.txt

I'd explain it to you, but I don't have the time or the crayons.
You're what I call a content-free individual.
Your train of thought is still boarding at the station.
Every time you speak, I get dumber.
Someday you'll go far. Please stay.
How brave of you to be so openly uninformed.
Your confidence in your beliefs is... refreshing.
You light up a room when you leave it.
Ah, a master of unsolicited advice, I see.
Your authenticity is truly... unmatched.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
You're impossible to underestimate.
You speak an infinite deal of nothing (William Shakespeare)
You are the cacafuego of blatherskites. Go look it up.
Sorry, what was that? I don't speak dipshit.
I don't enter a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
There’s a tree out there working hard to provide you oxygen. Go apologize.
Hush, the grownups are talking.
I’d love to insult you, but I think you’re too weak to take it. So you get a humanitarian pass.
You are at the top of the bell curve, aren't you?
I envy everyone you have never met.
You bring so much joy when you leave the room.
You have an interesting perspective on things.
Your ability to ruin a moment is unparalleled.
I appreciate how you are always consistently yourself.
You're like a cloud. When you disappear, it's a beautiful day.
You're impossible to underestimate.
Your thoughts are refreshingly pedestrian.
You're someone who could make a statue yawn.
I admire your dedication to mediocrity.
You always meet my expectations, which aren’t high.
You're as bright as a black hole, and twice as dense.
I like how you're not burdened by genius.
You're a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
You have a face for radio and a voice for silent films.
Your talents are so hidden, I'm still trying to find them.
Your opinion is very important to me, just like everyone else's.
You're the embodiment of 'it's the thought that counts'.
You're the human equivalent of a participation award.
Your lack of insight is truly remarkable.
You are proof that evolution can go in reverse.
You have the charm of a broken doorknob.
You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
It's impressive how you are consistently out of your depth.
You have the unique ability to be wrong in new ways.
You're not the dumbest person in the room, but you better hope they don't leave.
You're proof that one can live without a brain, quite well in fact.
You are the human version of a participation certificate.
Somewhere out there, a tree is tirelessly producing oxygen for you. You owe it an apology.
You are the gold medalist in the mental decathlon of the unenlightened.
Your brain must feel as good as new, seeing that you never use it.
You're a conversation starter, not because you're interesting, but because you're so clueless.
You're as useful as a knitted condom.
Your ignorance is so profound, it's almost admirable.
You're the personification of an error 404.
Your depth is as shallow as a puddle in the Sahara Desert.
You are the human equivalent of a software update in the middle of a work day.
You're the crayon that's still in the box, not because you're special, but because nobody wants you.
You're not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.
You are an example of why some animals eat their young.
Your intellectual prowess is underwhelming, to say the least.
If you were any more inane, you'd be a parody of yourself.
You are the reason we need instructions on shampoo bottles.
You are as pointless as the 'ueue' in 'queue'.
Your contribution to this conversation is the equivalent of water in a sieve.
You're as relevant as a floppy disk in the modern age.
You're the human version of a speed bump on the road of progress.
You're like a software update that makes things worse.
You have all the appeal of a paper cut.
You are as unnoticed as the terms and conditions on a website.
You're the lint of the intellectual world.
You're the kind of person who could fall into a barrel of boobs and come out sucking your thumb.
Your aura is as grey as a London sky in winter.
You're the answer to a question nobody asked.
You're the visual representation of 'error 404 - intelligence not found'.
You have the charm of a dial-up internet connection in the 21st century.
You're as elusive as an honest politician.
You are the embodiment of a midweek traffic jam.
You're as welcome as a fart in an elevator.
You're the salad in a buffet of desserts.
You're as forgettable as an ad before a YouTube video.
Your presence is as uplifting as a funeral.
You're the reason why we can't have nice things.
You're as confusing as a chameleon in a bag of skittles.
You're like an expired coupon, useless but pretending to be valuable.
You're the audio version of a headache.
You are as misplaced as a snowman in the Sahara.
You're the itch that can't be scratched.
You're as bewildering as a silent alarm clock.
You're the personification of a dead end.
You're as useful as a white crayon on white paper.
You're as effective as a waterproof teabag.
You're the real-life equivalent of a typo.
You're as impactful as a feather on a boulder.
You're as sharp as a marble.
Perhaps your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.
You're not the worst person in the world, but you better hope he doesn’t retire.
You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns into a muffler.
You're the reason we have warning labels.
Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.
You're the human equivalent of a participation trophy.
You are as forgettable as an umbrella on a sunny day.
You're the 'b' in subtle.
Your presence is as noticeable as an extra in a movie scene.
You're as intimidating as a teddy bear.
You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo.
You're the embodiment of all the world's unsolved problems.
You are the non-stick coating on the skillet of progress.
You're as impactful as a whisper in a thunderstorm.
You're the pebble in the shoe of greatness.
You're the elevator music of personalities.
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
You're as relevant as a VHS tape in a Blu-ray world.
You're the reason the middle finger was invented.
You're the human version of a migraine.
You are the visual equivalent of Comic Sans.
You're the appendix of human evolution.
Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.
You're as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
You're the rubber at the end of a pencil - there for mistakes.
You're the reason we're not allowed to have nice things.
Your intellect is rivaled only by garden tools.
You're about as effective as a white crayon.
You're the physical embodiment of a participation award.
You're as useful as a knitted condom.
You're as essential as a pet rock.
You're as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
You're the best at being average.
You're as useful as a solar-powered flashlight.
You're the reason aliens won't talk to us.
You're like a slinky, not really good for much, but bring a smile when pushed down stairs.
You're as sharp as a bowling ball.
You're the human equivalent of a flaccid balloon.
You're as useful as a waterproof towel.
You're the elbow of the internet – nobody really knows what you're for.
You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
You're as indispensable as a paperclip in a paperless office.
You're the flavorless gum in the pack of life.
You're the 'Ctrl+Alt+Delete' of personalities.
You're as useful as a glass hammer.
You're the 'Terms and Conditions' of people – everyone ignores you.
You're as bright as a solar eclipse.
You're the loud noise in a silent library.
You're the soggy bread in a sandwich.
You have the charisma of a wet sock.
Please, do continue. I'm always eager to learn new ways to be wrong.
You're like a broken pencil - pointless.
I've seen more personality in a parking lot.
You're the reason we have to put instructions on shampoo bottles.
You're the human equivalent of a participation trophy.
You're like a bad case of the hiccups.
You're as effective as a paper condom.