Adjust grammar in location event strings #4450
Conversation
| @@ -4,27 +4,27 @@ | |||
| /decl/location_event/big_game_hunters/announce(var/decl/background_detail/location) | |||
| . = "Game hunters on [location.name] " | |||
| if(prob(33)) | |||
| . += "were surprised when an unusual species experts have since identified as \ | |||
| . += "were surprised when an unusual species that experts have since identified as \ | |||
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this was technically grammatically correct already. for more information: it's a defining relative clause, which doesn't need a relative pronoun and is not marked by commas before and after. it's not incorrect to include 'which' or 'that', but it's not strictly necessary either.
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Maybe not strictly necessary, but w/out that the sentence comes a little close to being a garden path.
Game hunters on PLACE were surprised when an (unusual species experts have since identified as THING) turned up.
I think w/out the tailing turned up this would most likely read just as well to me.
My usual approach is to read smth like this out load and if it sounds funny, it is funny.
| @@ -34,12 +34,12 @@ | |||
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| /decl/location_event/alien_raiders/announce(var/decl/background_detail/location) | |||
| if(prob(20)) | |||
| . = "The Tiger Co-operative have raided [location.name] today, no doubt on orders from their enigmatic masters. Stealing wildlife, farm animals, medical research materials and kidnapping civilians. [global.using_map.company_name] authorities are standing by to counter attempts at bio-terrorism." | |||
| . = "The Tiger Co-operative have raided [location.name] today, no doubt on orders from their enigmatic masters, stealing wildlife, farm animals, medical research materials and kidnapping civilians. [global.using_map.company_name] authorities are standing by to counter attempts at bio-terrorism." | |||
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| . = "The Tiger Co-operative have raided [location.name] today, no doubt on orders from their enigmatic masters, stealing wildlife, farm animals, medical research materials and kidnapping civilians. [global.using_map.company_name] authorities are standing by to counter attempts at bio-terrorism." | |
| . = "The Tiger Cooperative have raided [location.name] today, no doubt on orders from their enigmatic masters, stealing wildlife, farm animals, medical research materials and kidnapping civilians. [global.using_map.company_name] authorities are standing by to counter attempts at bio-terrorism." |
co-operative is BrEng, cooperative is AmEng, not sure if we have a preference here
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| /decl/location_event/ai_liberation/announce(var/decl/background_detail/location) | ||
| . = "A [pick("\'REDACTED\' was detected on","S.E.L.F operative infiltrated","malignant computer virus was detected on","rogue [pick("slicer","hacker")] was apprehended on")] [location.name] today, and managed to infect [pick("\'REDACTED\'","a sentient sub-system","a class one AI","a sentient defence installation")] before it could be stopped. Many lives were lost as it systematically begin murdering civilians, and considerable work must be done to repair the affected areas." | ||
| . = "A [pick("\'REDACTED\' was detected on","S.E.L.F operative infiltrated","malignant computer virus was detected on","rogue [pick("slicer","hacker")] was apprehended on")] [location.name] today, after it managed to infect [pick("\'REDACTED\'","a sentient sub-system","a class one AI","a sentient defence installation")] before it could be stopped. Many lives were lost as it systematically begun murdering civilians, and considerable work must be done to repair the affected areas." |
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| . = "A [pick("\'REDACTED\' was detected on","S.E.L.F operative infiltrated","malignant computer virus was detected on","rogue [pick("slicer","hacker")] was apprehended on")] [location.name] today, after it managed to infect [pick("\'REDACTED\'","a sentient sub-system","a class one AI","a sentient defence installation")] before it could be stopped. Many lives were lost as it systematically begun murdering civilians, and considerable work must be done to repair the affected areas." | |
| . = "A [pick("\'REDACTED\' was detected on","S.E.L.F operative infiltrated","malignant computer virus was detected on","rogue [pick("slicer","hacker")] was apprehended on")] [location.name] today, and managed to infect [pick("\'REDACTED\'","a sentient sub-system","a class one AI","a sentient defence installation")] before it could be stopped. Many lives were lost as it systematically began murdering civilians, and considerable work must be done to repair the affected areas." |
disagree with and -> after it, especially since "rogue hacker" is an option.
begun is incorrect here, it should be began
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Fair point on plural/singular pronoun, hadn't spotted that. I still kinda want to keep the timing denoted by after b/c although it's clear from reading the sentence, and feels a little off to me.
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Ah, but the before hiding after the second pick() carries that time info, so and is fine.
Description of changes
I proofread most/all of these while reviewing culture stuff on Polaris, figured I'd pass them up here. Should've scrubbed off the polaris-specific lorestrings but lmk if anything seems amiss.
Why and what will this PR improve
Words hard.
Authorship
@Atermonera
Changelog
🆑
bugfix: Fixed some grammatical issues in location event strings.
/:cl: